


Yearning

by BlingBlingMaknae



Series: Yearning and Healing [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Actor Oikawa, Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Showbusiness, Anal Sex, Angst, Broken iwaoi, Emotional Roller Coaster, Friends With Benefits, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Manager Sugawara, Older oikawa, Romance, Side ushishira, Slice of Life, Smut, Temporarily Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-02-23 12:26:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 27,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23444779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlingBlingMaknae/pseuds/BlingBlingMaknae
Summary: "While you still can, please fall out of love with that bastard." Shirabu stated as he raised his legs to stretch. "He's up to no good, I can tell. He'll just toy with your heart and make you cry.""Can't." Sugawara sighed dreamily as he stared back on the screen, a laundry detergent commercial rolling. "It's been years. He is the very reason I am employed now."Orrrrr, Sugawara was always watching his school senior Oikawa Tooru from afar. He applied to the talent company in which Oikawa joined in and never in his dreams that he thought he would be his first love's talent manager and casual sex buddy.
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Sugawara Koushi, Shirabu Kenjirou/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Series: Yearning and Healing [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1898386
Comments: 70
Kudos: 205





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is mainly steamy *cough* modeling *cough*; drama will come on the next three chapters
> 
> This fic is either angst with sex and a little fluff + friendship or sex with angst and a little fluff + friendship
> 
> Actor!Oikawa x Talent Manager!Sugawara
> 
> Side:  
> Med Student!Shirabu x Professor!Ushijima  
> Iwaizumi x Oikawa
> 
> Oikawa is older by 2 yrs
> 
> Suga is a lil bit obsessed... or not lol
> 
> Update will be 1-2 weeks in between

The credits of the movie they were watching appeared on the screen. Sugawara yawned and rolled to the side, intending to get up and unplug the 146" flatscreen television despite being in nude.

A hand grasped his arm before he could even move and he turned to see the man, the very reason he was not able to watch the movie at all.

"Mmm, Suga-chan," a naked Oikawa drowsily switched the television off with a remote. His arm wrapped possessively around Sugawara and buried his face on the other's neck. "Suga-chaaan, don't go."

"Oikawa-san," an exasperated Sugawara sighed as he tapped the other's back. "I'll just plug it out. Let's conserve electricity."

"We can do that tomorrow. I need Suga-chan now." Oikawa was kissing his neck and how Sugawara hated his body for reacting to the touches.

"Aren't you tired?" The movie was two hours and 30 minutes long, and they managed to watch fifteen minutes into it before his talent's hands crept to his thighs and they ended up fucking like rabbits. "We have an early schedule tomorrow. You cannot turn up to your filming with dark bags again. Have mercy to the makeup artists."

"How can I stop if my cute, little manager is tempting me with his sexy body?" Oikawa's sloppy kisses descended to his manager's shoulder. His hands crept under Sugawara's body, fondling the sensitive nipples to erectness.

"I-I am not…" The words died down into a startled moan when the actor's hard manhood pressed against his ass. He attempted to make his tone firmer. "Oikawa-san, we should not—"

"Two years after I first saw you and you are still calling me 'Oikawa-san' on bed," the actor laughed to his manager's ear and nibbled it. "Suga-chan, who gets fucked so good and calls the other with goddamn honorifics?"

"I am still your manager, someone younger than you." The words sounded weak with how they mixed with the soft moans Sugawara let out. "O-Oikawa-san, we ought to sleep… ahhh, now. We are ri-rising earl—fuck, for your d-drama shoot."

"Just one more round." Oikawa turned the other on his back and immediately got between the spread legs.

"You said the same thing last weeke—fuck." Sugawara's body jolted as Oikawa's dick slipped in with barely any resistance. His back arched in pleasant surprise as the tip hit the sensitive bundle of nerves deep inside him right on the first thrust.

The manager panted harshly, chest rising rapidly and drool seeping out his lips. "I-I'm not rising on 4 AM to make b-breakfast you insatiable—"

Oikawa's lips curled deviously. "Breakfast on the way. My treat."

"T-Three rounds in two, ngggh—ahh, h-ho-hours. Wh-What are you, an animal?"

"Can't get enough of—ahh, fuck—your body."

Sighs of pleasure echoed in the room and when orgasm hit them, Sugawara chose to turn a blind eye to the fact that his artist whispered his ex's name when he came.

  
  
  


It was still hard to imagine that Sugawara was managing _the Oikawa Tooru._

For four years, he admired his school senior from afar. From his entire middle school years to his high school freshman year, he had been watching the elder's volleyball games. He attended all volleyball matches during his first year middle school and high school. He was a disciplined student but he might have skipped classes twice or thrice in his second and third year middle school years to go to the then high school Oikawa's Interhigh matches.

Sugawara was initially a photojournalist for the journalism club in high school. He took great pictures for various events but his best shots starred, of course, Oikawa Tooru. Once, he took a photo of Oikawa jumping for his killer serve, which was used as the volleyball club's poster for the following years.

The sole member of the sports column left in the middle of the year because he wanted to focus on his upcoming graduation. For this reason, Sugawara applied for the position despite having zero knowledge about sports writing and ended up holding the position until his own graduation.

His articles about sports were well-written but his columns regarding Oikawa were finesse. He even interviewed Oikawa once—and he wondered how he managed to go through with it without fainting—but apparently, he did not make enough impact that Oikawa had completely forgotten about him when they first met as manager and artist.

He bought every issue of _Monthly Volleyball_ with Oikawa in it. His drawer was loaded with pictures of Oikawa from matches and school events. He rushed to the television to watch the news and interviews with Oikawa and his club. He even cried when Seijoh lost and did not make it to the Nationals.

Oikawa graduated without Sugawara mustering the strength to confess. The latter followed him on SNS via dummy accounts, and got updated with his college life. He watched replays of his crush's recorded college games and when he had more money when he was a college student himself, he attended some of the major matches. Sugawara was there when Oikawa had his last game during the last season the elder participated in. It was the game where Oikawa's knee was badly injured, which led to him not pursuing volleyball after graduation.

For a whole year, Oikawa lacked activity in SNS. Sugawara concentrated on his studies and wondered about his first love once in a while.

He was walking along the streets of Tokyo, ready to go home to Sendai for the winter break when he saw an ad of Oikawa being an extra in an instant ramen commercial. Several months later, news of Oikawa debuting as a supporting actor in a coming of age film surfaced, and Sugawara found himself in a cinema, watching the film for two straight weeks.

He knew he was out of his mind when he, fresh out of college, applied in Oikawa's entertainment company in hopes of having a glimpse of the rookie once in a while. He applied for personal assistant and he was surprised when he was offered a managerial position. He was told that there was this artist whose manager just resigned because he couldn't be controlled. Sugawara cursed his luck as he would handle a stubborn artist, only to discover that it was his first love, Oikawa Tooru.

Oikawa was a pain in the ass in Sugawara's first month. Sugawara was too polite and submissive at first, barely convincing Oikawa to do what was supposed to be done.

The incident where he was yelled at by a magazine crew because his talent just dared to turn up four hours late for the said magazine photoshoot served as an eye opener to Sugawara. He probably looked stupid bowing and _kneeling_ before the staff to continue the shoot, but the moment he stepped in Oikawa's car, he gave Oikawa an earful until his voice broke into sobs.

"I'm sorry, really sorry. It won't happen again," Oikawa folded his hands in front of his manager but the latter's tears gushed nonstop.

"You're so… going to… regret this day, Oikawa-san," he warned amidst his tears.

  
  


"Give me your house keys, Oikawa-san."

"If you are late for even a minute, no fucking lunch break."

"Oikawa-san, will you wake up or will I tear this porn magazine into shreds?"

"I'll throw this cellphone of yours out of the window if you won't rehearse your lines."

  
  


With Sugawara's threats and strict rules, Oikawa gradually took his job seriously, finally breaking out of his rookie image and emerging as one of the rising stars of his generation. Through his newfound genuine interest in showbusiness and his manager finding him potential projects, he landed on lead roles, films with veteran actors and various endorsements.

Sugawara could hardly recall when Oikawa started being a literal pain in the ass. All he remembered was that his beloved artist made advances on him during their two-people drinking party, a celebration for Oikawa's Rising Actor award in a historical film. They were completely inebriated, and one touch led to kisses, groping and an all out congratulatory culminating sex.

Sugawara knew that he was unprofessional and downright dumb for allowing an illicit affair to blossom between him and his artist slash love interest—especially when the actor had not moved on from his ex a.k.a. high school volleyball team ace—but that was how he was:

Stupid in love.

  
  
  
  


"You're smiling."

Sugawara's eyes strayed away from the television and eyed his flatmate. The other's legs splayed on the couch as his upper body leaned against the arm rest. He had fucking cucumber on his eyes so how could he even see him?

It was Oikawa's toothpaste commercial flashing on the screen, and Sugawara could not help but get charmed by the pearly white charming smile his talent was sporting.

"I am not." He adjusted his spot on the carpet, shuffling towards the spot near Shirabu's legs.

"You are." The med student lifted a cucumber from his worn out eye and cocked a brow up at his flatmate. He was met by a flushed Sugawara, urging him to roll his eyes. He adjusted the mask on his face and went back to his position.

"Shirabu…"

"While you still can, please fall out of love with that bastard." Shirabu stated as he raised his legs to stretch. "He's up to no good, I can tell. He'll just toy with your heart and make you cry."

"Can't." Sugawara sighed dreamily as he stared back on the screen, a laundry detergent commercial rolling. "It's been years. He is the very reason I am employed now."

"It's been years and he still has not asked you out. You fucking is not counted, in case you will retort about it." The elder pointed out. "Correction too. He is not the reason you are employed. It's his agency to whom you applied to be accepted just to see his hawt, handshome face and goddamn big, 'it ish sho fucking big, Shirabu' dick."

Sugawara threw his potty-mouthed friend an offended stare. "Your bluntness is something I aspire to have."

"Your stupidity is something I will never aspire to have."

Sugawara rolled his eyes and held Shirabu's legs. "Massage?"

"Yes please." Shirabu extended his legs to the other, dead tired from hospital duty. "I swear I would teach at med school right after I get enough clinical experience."

"Ushijima would love that."

"Don't say that bastard's name." Shirabu hissed at the mentioning of his boyfriend's name. "That annoying hag barely assigned me patients to handle today."

"He simply had mercy on your poor, dark eyebags." Sugawara commented as he moved his hands on the elder's leg. "He just wanted you to somehow rest after you nearly collapsed last week."

"I understand the sentiment but he cannot baby me forever. At least act like a professor, not as a boyfriend. I need to gain as much skills and knowledge as possible. With me being held back for an entire sem because of some nasty ass professor, I have a lot to catch up on if I want to graduate on time. That damn Ushijima needs to realize that."

"Now, now. Don't make that face. Your face mask would be useless if you scowl 24/7."

It was one of the days where Sugawara slept over because of an early schedule for the following day. He drank some red wine he was offered as he answered mails and arranged Oikawa's upcoming schedules in his laptop.

His eyes strayed from his work, eyeing his artist who was lying down on the couch and staring blankly on the script he was holding.

"Oikawa-san, you alright?"

Oikawa nodded and mumbled lowly. "I just remembered Iwa-chan."

That damn ex.

That damn wing spiker of their school's volleyball team who, according to Oikawa, was his secret boyfriend the entire three years of high school.

"What about him?"

Oikawa scanned a particular part of the script. "'No matter what happens, nothing will ever change.' 'Wherever I am, I will always come back to your arms.' He said the same things to me before."

Sugawara crawled from his spot on the carpet and motioned closer to the couch. He threw an arm around Oikawa who was startled by the gesture.

"Thanks, Suga-chan," Oikawa smiled and ruffled the silver locks. "You're such a refreshing bundle of joy in my gloomy life."

Sugawara replied, warmth creeping to his face. "I did nothing."

Oikawa cupped his manager's face and pinched his cheek. "Pfft. Look at you self-deprecating again."

"I am not."

"You are."

They had those dramatic talks again. Oikawa talked of Iwaizumi's flaws like it was the first time he did so.

"If ever he comes back, I would never welcome him back. What is he? Lucky? Hah. Never again."

Sugawara spoke about how Oikawa would one day find someone better. Sugawara was lectured about his low self-confidence and was squished into an embrace as Oikawa told him all over again how lovely he was.

"You are so sweet. I wonder why you don't have a lover yet," Oikawa told him for the nth time in the entire two years they worked together.

Sugawara jokingly answered. "Because I am stuck with you."

"What a privilege you have being stuck with someone like me," Oikawa winked at him, totally unaware of how true Sugawara's words were.

  
  
  


Sugawara had zero idea where the company got the idea that letting Oikawa model for an underwear advertisement in a health magazine was a great idea.

It was a homoerotic themed one to begin with, but perhaps this was to show Oikawa's versatility in genres and to market him in a sexy image.

The problem was, the model who was supposed to be Oikawa's partner for the day was late. _Very late._

It felt like a de javu to Sugawara; only that on that particular moment, it was his talent waiting and not the other way round.

Oikawa finished his bathroom solo shots. Sugawara felt his knees wobble seeing a half naked Oikawa gaze intensely at the mirror while holding the sink, gray boxer-clad ass shown in the photos. He almost drooled when Oikawa was asked to stand and let the shower water splash on his body except for his face.

Oikawa was dried and styled by his personal assistants while the crew rearranged the set. The photographer was complaining on the phone and Sugawara took over.

"What? He really can't make it? You should have told us earlier. We don't have all day for this. Everything got delayed waiting for him to come. Why accept a commitment when he plans to fly abroad for a fucking vacation? What? Excuse me, _sir._ Your artist may be a one year senior of my talent, but in this situation, it is clear who is a lot more professional. Oh yeah? My artist is what? My artist is one of the aspiring actors and models of this generation, thank you very much. Tell your artist that he won't fly high if he would be like this."

The line beeped and he handed it to the equally annoyed photographer.

A hand landed on his shoulder and he looked up to see Oikawa worriedly gazing at him.

"Oikawa-san," Sugawara heaved a sigh as he attempted to calm himself and to stop himself from eyeing Oikawa in a white shirt and emerald tinted boxers. "I am sorry that you needed to hear that."

"Don't mind." Oikawa shook his head. "It isn't your fault that damn Tobio didn't come."

"How many more solo shots do you need?"

"A few. I don't know how to pose anymore."

Sugawara demonstrated some poses and taught his artist about the art of facial expressions.

The photographer's voice suddenly echoed in his ear. "Hey, hey, hey, Sugawara-san!"

"Any changes we need to discuss, Bokuto-san?

"Do you have any modeling experience?"

Sugawara's brows knitted at the unexpected question. "Um, I was a model for a children's magazine when I was really young."

"You are what?" Oikawa stared at him, shocked.

Bokuto's eyes lit up. "That's why. Can you do some poses for us?"

Sugawara probably needed to clean his own ears. "Huh?"

"We know that Kageyama ain't coming anymore, and the preparations for today ought to be not wasted. We aren't throwing in money for this shoot just for one artist," Bokuto threw Oikawa a glance that told he meant no offense, "so if you may, please take Kageyama's place."

Sugawara blinked frantically, startled by the request. "I… I don't think I can…"

"Kageyama's paycheck will be yours to have. You will also be credited by the magazine."

"Oh no, please do not write my name… wait, I am not agreeing yet!"

A nearby makeup artist mused. "Sugawara-san, I can tell that your visuals would be a great match for Oikawa-san."

"The big boss will be happy to know that you were of help, Suga-kun," one of Oikawa's personal assistants raised a thumbs-up.

Sugawara's selected hearing only heard the part where he—his visuals, but again, selected hearing—matched with Oikawa. "Ummm…"

"Suga-chan," Oikawa folded his hands and wore a begging pout. "Please, pretty please?"

Sugawara let out a defeated sigh. "Fine."

  
  
  


He was dressed up for the first pair scene.

His first outfit was a loose, white dress shirt. The sleeves were too long for him, only half of his hands showing when his arms were straight. The flimsy, silken boxers he was wearing was in a royal blue color, highlighting his pale legs. He wore light makeup, excluding the thin eyeliner that would emphasize his eyes. His hair was styled messily as if he just rose from his slumber.

The scene was in a makeshift kitchen, seemingly a breakfast setting.

"Sugawara-san, stand by the table. Hold the cup of coffee up. Oikawa-san, embrace him from behind. Close your eyes and smile as if you are taking in his scent."

Sugawara's aura changed on cue. He was nervous but he wanted the job done already. He followed every instruction, posing naturally as if he was not dying inside with how goddamn handsome Oikawa was with his styling. His own gaze felt sharper. He felt more confident to himself, seeing how the people in the set were eyeing him.

"Sugawara-san, sit on the counter. Oikawa-san, hold a berry before his mouth. Sugawara-san, part your lips slowly." They did as told, with Sugawara making adlibs and slightly sticking his tongue out.

"Splendid, Suga-san. Nice smile, Oikawa-san. Smile more like you are in love. Perfect. That's enough. Hey you, prepare Oikawa-san and Sugawara-san for their living room pair and solos."

"Why do I need to have a solo? I am not a model."

"Today, you are."

In the living room scene, he was asked to wear a white boyfriend shirt and black briefs. Oikawa's outfit was in the same style except that they contrasted in colors. They were then asked to lean on the couch, sitting close to each other with cigarette sticks between their lips. It was quite difficult to pull the shots off because they were non-smokers, their grimaces quite clear at first. With some guidance, they managed to have their cigarette butts kissing while staring at each other.

"Now, lie your head on Oikawa-san's lap and throw your legs on the arm rest. Pretend that you are reading that book. Oikawa-san, pretend that you are talking to someone on the phone while your other hand combs through his hair."

For Sugawara's solo, he raised one foot from the floor and planted it on the couch. He was told to rest his forearm on his knee and stare at the side. For another photo, to suck the tip of his index finger while staring thoughtfully at the ceiling.

It was finally time for bed shots. Sugawara changed into a flimsy red robe and a pair of tight red briefs.

_Is this really for men? This is like a female lingerie what the fuck. I should talk to the company about this type of deals._

His chest and shoulders were adorned with glitters thanks to the stylists. They made the eyeliner thicker and applied some beige eyeshadow. His hair was styled, pushed back so his face would be the central focus.

The gravity of the situation sank in when he stepped out of his dressing room and saw a topless, messy haired Oikawa on the bed, donned only in black ripped jeans that had bigger holes than the usual. The front was also unzipped, giving Sugawara an inkling of what their poses would be.

He felt self-conscious when the set quietened down with his appearance.

Did he look terrible? Disgusting?

"Wow," was all that left a dazed Oikawa's mouth when Sugawara waltzed towards the bed. "You look…"

"Dashing," a nearby female personal assistant finished, a dreamy look on her face.

"Suga-san, if I am a guy, I would totally go gay for you." One of the lighting crew members remarked and Sugawara laughed.

"Sugawara-san, please lie down on your back. Raise your thighs a bit. Oikawa-san, go between his legs. Not too close. Lean up a bit to show the underwear. Sugawara-san, sling your arm around Oikawa's neck. A little closer, Oikawa-san. Good. Stare at each other. Perfect." Camera shots were heard, and Sugawara found it difficult to convince himself not to have a boner with Oikawa's intense gaze.

"Stare at the camera. Sugawara-san, tilt your head a little higher. Oikawa-san, cup Sugawara-san's face. Stay still."

More shots were taken. Oikawa was asked to tall kneel while Sugawara, who knelt and sat on his heels, lowered his pants. Inner Sugawara was burning when asked to shift his lidded gaze from Oikawa's eyes to the prominent black clad bulge, because all he wished to do was drag the offending garment down and suck Oikawa off.

With the number of times Sugawara saw Oikawa in such a provocative state, he should have been used to it, but no. They were in public, and usually, they just go on the sexual act without actually admiring the other's body.

For another scene, Sugawara straddled a sitting Oikawa. Sugawara was asked to let the robe fall to his shoulders and to allow Oikawa to hold his hips. They pressed their foreheads together as instructed and praises could be heard.

He did not know if he was hallucinating but he could feel Oikawa being half hard underneath him.

"Sugawara-san, take your robe off. Lie down on your stomach. Oikawa-san, lie down on your side and rest your chin on your hand propped on the pillow. Plant your foot on the bed so your underwear can be seen. Smile candidly at each other."

Sugawara could finally breathe when the photographer announced that it would be the last scene. Oikawa laid on his back and Sugawara's upper body draped on Oikawa's chest. Sugawara's arm draped around Oikawa's midsection and his leg did the same on Oikawa's leg.

"Smile warmly at each other. Okay, now look here. Sugawara-san, make your stare as innocent as you can. Part your lips a bit. Oikawa-san, put a serious expression on. Perfect. Lastly, Sugawara-san, stare seductively. Oikawa-san, lay your hand at the small of his back then smirk. Okay, good job."

Applause rang in the studio, much to Sugawara's surprise. As they stepped out of the bed and proceeded to the crew, the photographer shook their hands, especially Sugawara's.

"That was so intense," Bokuto raved on them, a pleased grin on his face. "I almost had a boner just looking at you two!"

"Bokuto-san, that comment was entirely unnecessary," the man behind the computer deadpanned.

"Akaashi, that was a compliment!"

"Thank you for your hard work," Oikawa bowed as his personal assistants gave him a coat to cover his body.

Sugawara smiled as he was given a robe. "Everyone, thank you for guiding me. I know the shoot took longer because of me—"

"Suga-san, that is not important." The photographer slapped the manager's back who internally winced. "This magazine will sell! This season's underwear line will sell. It's just a waste you are not a real model because you can be an endorser with Oikawa-san."

"That is a pleasure to hear but I am content with my job," he gestured to his artist who was noticeably quiet.

"Sugawara-san, Oikawa-san, do you want to see the photos?" Akaashi gestured to the computer and they proceeded to view the shots.

"Oh my God," Sugawara covered his eyes as the risqué photos appeared before his eyes. The shots were beautiful, and he seemed like a different person in them. His solo shots came next, and he wondered how he managed to pull off his sexy borderline slutty poses. Oikawa's solos were to die for and Sugawara made a mental note to purchase the magazine once it was out.

"Oikawa-san, you alright?" He asked once they stepped out of the building. Oikawa was awfully quiet the entire time after they finished the photoshoot and Sugawara was worried.

"I'm fine," Oikawa answered curtly as they headed to the parking lot and Sugawara, for once, let it slide.

"Alright. Text me once you arrive. I'll take the bus home. The stop is near here." Sugawara turned to his heels but a hand gripped his arm.

"Oikawa-san? Is anything the matter?"

Oikawa's cheeks were slightly pink and his gaze diverted to the ground. "Can I take you home?"

"Um," Sugawara's own face glowed in a crimson color, knowing what the other's words entailed.

"It must be a tiring day for you so if you refuse, I understand. It's just, today, during the shoot, the way you looked was so alluring. You were mesmerizing and I want to—"

"Y-You can." As soon as the words were whispered, Sugawara was thrown in the car and Oikawa sped up.

  
  
  
  


"Fuck, fuck, Oikawa-san." Sugawara bit his finger, intending to stop his lewd moans as he rode his talent in the latter's bath tub. He could not silence himself though, not with Oikawa pistoning on his weak spot.

Oikawa's taut muscles were solid against his palm. His hand glid down the pecs and abs while the other braced itself on the actor's shoulder.

Oikawa was so damn attractive below him, effortlessly regal even when his messy hair stuck to his forehead and his mouth opened for heavy breaths.

"Fuck, Suga, who taught you to do that?" Oikawa's hand glid from his manager's hip, traveling down the ass to give both cheeks a spank.

Sugawara moaned at the delicious sting left on his skin. "A-Ahhh, do what?"

"Pose like that. You said you were a child model, but that was definitely not something a child could do."

"I-I don't know," Sugawara struggled to formulate words as Oikawa slammed him harder on his manhood. "I just—fuck, more—did what I could."

"Lies." Sugawara's eyes rolled back as the frequency of the thrusts pounding on his bundle of nerves increased.

"It's t-true. I can—again, there, there—p-pose on cue."

"You owned the shoot today." Oikawa groaned, pulling Sugawara's face closer. "You were so tempting, so ravishing. If there were no people there, I would have bent you over and fucked you. Or would you have loved it if I did so? If I showed them how you look like being fucked by my cock? You do, don't you? You want them to know what a naughty boy you are letting your artist fuck you brainless?"

"Y-Yes," Sugawara shamelessly admitted, bouncing faster and harder on the thickness penetrating him. "I want them to see how Oikawa Tooru fucks, how lucky I am to have you."

As kisses were shared and cum soiled the waters, Sugawara wished that his modeling stint for the day would really help the products to sell.

  
  
  


Sugawara called Shirabu to inform him that he won't be back. Only a voice message saying "Shirabu Kenjirou is either on duty or sleeping on the damn headquarters' bench or floor" rang in his ears.

Oikawa would not stop bugging him to show his childhood shoot and with a heavy heart, he showed some scans he once posted on SNS.

"Oh my, you are born a model, Suga-chan." Oikawa cooed as he swiped the screen. "Look at your adorable cheeks, and that cute hand holding the umbrella. Geez, I never had those glowing shoes as a child."

"Ugh, stop it." An embarrassed Sugawara reached for the phone but Oikawa let his own upper body hang on the bed's edge while holding the phone.

"Why didn't you go to showbiz? You have what it takes to be a star."

"Cut the crap. My height itself says otherwise." Sugawara lightly slapped his shoulder. "It just was not my calling."

"What calling are you even talking about." Oikawa scoffed. "You could have made it big, you know. It isn't actually too late to debut."

Sugawara endearingly shook his head. "I prefer being behind the scenes. Also, if I went to showbiz, then I would not be your manager."

"That would suck!" Oikawa trapped him in an embrace and rubbed their cheeks together. "I want you to shine but no! I can't imagine life without my adorable cotton candy Suga-chan."

It was good that the lamp barely lit the room or else Oikawa might have seen his blush. "You're exaggerating, Oikawa-san."

"I wish I am but no," Oikawa sincerely said. "My former managers were no match to your detail-oriented and persuasion skills. You are tough on me but also sweet and fun. Those old scumbags just kept on squawking on me."

Sugawara ruffled his hair amidst laughs. "It's all because you are so wild, Oikawa-san. You would not listen to them."

"But why do I listen to you?" Oikawa fluttered his lashes to which Sugawara pushed his face away.

"Ask yourself." Sugawara laid down to his side and pulled the covers up to his shoulders.

"Suga-chan, you were supposed to say 'because I am the only manager you'll ever need' or 'because I am awesome.'" Oikawa went under the covers and wrapped an arm around him. "Geez, what would I do to raise your self-esteem?"

"I am just the way I am." The manager replied as he tried to calm his heartbeat down. "Still, thank you for thinking of me that way, Oikawa-san."

"Of course. You are my lovely manager and friend. Sharp skills, the right attitude, admirable work ethics, a pretty face and beautiful body. I can't ask for anything more."

How Sugawara wished it was true. How he wished for Oikawa to stop saying such careless words, for Sugawara only found himself falling deeper.

Upon the issue's release, magazine copies were sold out,

The underwear line boomed in the market,

They made headlines,

Oikawa nearly hit and filed a case against their stalker if not for Sugawara's intervention,

Sugawara was almost scouted by another agency,

Oikawa was nominated to be part of the _Sexiest Men in Japan_ list.

  
  
  


"Suga, you're sexy, you're inviting, you're like 'come to bed with me' type of beautiful here. You two are a match made in hell but please, _please,_ I am soooo not willing to hear anything about your active sex life." Shirabu covered his ears as Sugawara talked about how Oikawa fucked him right after the photoshoot. He shoved the magazine to Sugawara who was hollering in laughter.

"You're just jealous because it's been long since Ushijima-san fucked you." Sugawara poked his flatmate's waist who smacked his hand away.

"You sure about that?" Shirabu shot back, a smug look on his face.

Sugawara gasped. "You had sex in the hospital?"

"Once in his headquarters when my shift ended. Twice in the cramp comfort room stall when he was horny."

"You never striked me as the kinky type." Sugawara was genuinely awed. "All hail Shirabu and his boyfriend's dick."

"Shut up." A red-faced Shirabu started clipping his growing nails. "Sorry to break it to you, but not because you are spreading your legs for that playboy actor means that he likes you."

"I already know that, Shirabu, but at least be a little more supportive." Sugawara rarely whined, and he mostly did it to his flatmate. "Don't go stomping on my dreams."

"I am willing to give my hundred percent support if I am seeing nothing wrong. Hell, you won't even introduce him to us."

"Why will I when we are just friends?"

Shirabu raised a brow.

"...with benefits," the younger sheepishly added.

"Not just that. Artist and manager with benefits. He flirted with you and your slutty ass just presented itself before him. Gave him your youth, virginity, love; remind me if I missed something else. Even your job is committed in babysitting him. I won't be surprised if you will give him your soul if he asked."

"Shirabu."

"Don't 'Shirabu' me. You are not Ushijima." Shirabu poked his forehead. "Be careful, idiot. If you get involved with a scandal with him, it will be the end of not just him but you."

"Sometimes, I wonder if you really are just one year my senior or you are a senile, cranky old man in that youthful body." Despite his jest, Sugawara knew that Shirabu was right. However, it was difficult to stop indulging the drug called Oikawa Tooru.

"Pfft. I already saw a lot of cases as yours, so you better be careful. You guys won't even practice safe sex! Who knows if he is fucking anyone besides you?"

"He isn't."

"Are you his mom for you to know that?"

"Do most children really tell their mothers about their sex life?"

It was such a joy to see the sharp tongued med student floored sometimes. "Whatever. Go do what you wanna. I don't even care."

"Did you fight with Ushijima-san again?" Sugawara had this habit of dodging topics he did not want to discuss. "You're hot headed as hell today."

"No. This is my usual mood."

"What did Ushijima see in you besides your beauty and brains?"

"What did you see in Oikawa besides his attractive face and cock?"

"Hey!"

"I'm heading to bed first." Shirabu gestured to his bedroom and rose to his feet. "Twelve hours shift again tomorrow."

"You coming home?"

"Two days after tomorrow. Shift's too early so I'll stay with Ushijima." He replied. "Have fun riding Oikawa's wrinkly dick."

As usual, Shirabu forgot to lock his bedroom door. He sprawled on the bed, snoring, and Sugawara sighed as he covered his good friend with a blanket.

Days later, Sugawara concluded that he should have listened to Shirabu.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A concoction of heartbreaks, tension, chaos, misunderstandings, and the beauty of friendship = D R A M A

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ended this part earlier than expected so here it is. Let's all sit back and suffer :D

If not for the boxes of takeouts he was carrying, Sugawara would skip towards the condominium happily.

The other day, Oikawa won two awards from a television awards ceremony, the Popularity Award and Best Variety Star for Male Category. Oikawa treated the entire department for lunch the very next day, but Sugawara thought it would be nice to celebrate in private.

  


Oikawa worked the entire year and he definitely deserved to be thrown a mini party.

  


With a portion of his salary, Sugawara bought some fast food junk Oikawa loved but was prohibited to eat for image reasons. Cans of cold beer waited to be opened, and Sugawara wore his newest underwear in case things escalated just like what usually happens when he came over.

He smiled to himself as he rode the lift. He bowed politely to some folk he often saw around the building and the other returned the gesture.

In no time, the elevator dinged and he got off the 20th floor. It was difficult to balance all the food in his hands, especially when he reached Oikawa's door.

Not having enough patience to fumble for the key, Sugawara entered the new passcode he had trouble remembering while balancing everything on one hand. He succeeded on the third attempt and slid inside.

"Oikawa, you there?" He kicked the door close and took his shoes off with his feet. No one answered.

  


_Maybe he's in his room._ Sugawara stepped inside, navigating towards the kitchen. As he laid all the load on the table, Oikawa's bedroom door opened, revealing not the actor but a tanned, half naked stranger.

  


Or was he a stranger? Blurry memories of dark, spiky hair, tanned skin, a sharp stare and a permanent grimace flooded his mind as he took in the image before him.

  


"Who are you?" The other inquired and before Sugawara could answer, he heard _him._

  


"Iwa-chan, it's your turn," a voice he knew so well echoed from the bathroom and as it opened, Oikawa emerged.

  


  


Iwa-chan.

  


  


_Iwa-chan._

  


  


Iwaizumi Hajime.

  


  


Aoba Johsai's ace.

  


  


Oikawa's ex.

  


  


Iwaizumi Hajime, the one who wrecked Oikawa Tooru's heart, was in Oikawa's condo unit.

  


  


"Suga-chan! You're here!" A half naked Oikawa, a towel around his neck, blinked in surprise at the sight of his manager.

  


  


That was when Sugawara noticed.

  


  


Scratches on Iwaizumi's arms and shoulders.

  


  


Hickeys and bite marks on Oikawa's torso.

  


  


The slight limp of the actor.

  


  


Everything made sense.

  


  


"I was… I thought… I..." Sugawara looked at them back and forth, the words stuck in his throat.

  


  


_I was thinking you were alone._

  


  


_I thought you would not accept him anymore._

  


  


_I suddenly want to kill myself._

  


  


"C-Congratulations for your awards," he sputtered, the wires in his mind unwinding into a mess.

"How sweet of you, Suga-chan!" Oikawa lurched forward to him, holding his head close to his chest and squeezing him into a tight hug.

  


Usually, the gesture made Sugawara's heart throb uncontrollably in his chest, but at that very moment,

  


  


He was _disgusted._

  


  


The knowledge that someone just laid his filthy hands on Oikawa's body and that very body was pressed close to his induced an urge to vomit.

  


"Didn't I tell you, Iwa-chan? My Suga-chan is such a sweet, refreshing gumball!"

  


  


_Didn't he tell you how I held him when you were gone?_

  


  


_Didn't he tell you how terribly close we had become?_

  


  


_Didn't he tell you how many times he came inside me?_

  


  


"Nice to meet you, Sugawara." Iwaizumi bowed the slightest and Sugawara found himself mimicking the action.

"What's with the feast? Did you buy all of these, Suga-chan?" Oikawa's arm remained slung around his neck as the former pointed at the food.

"I just… wanted to congratulate you for your success but it seems like I came in the wrong time." He was gently trying to pry Oikawa's hold off his body.

"You ordered this much food for Oikawa?" He did not like Iwaizumi's tone.

" _We_ eat a lot," Sugawara found it difficult to hide the bite in his words, "but since you are here, it is no problem to finish that."

"Hey, you bought these. You ought to join us for dinner." Oikawa led him to a chair but he almost, just almost, slapped his hand away.

He could feel the wave of tears coming. "I-I'm fine. I p-promised Shirabu to join him for supper." He walked backwards and awkwardly gestured to the door. "I'll get going."

"Suga-chan, wait!" Sugawara gathered his shoes and slammed the front door shut, not wanting to hear anything from Oikawa.

  


  


Iwaizumi Hajime was back.

  


  


Back in Japan.

  


  


Back in Oikawa's life.

  


  


_'If ever he comes back, I would never welcome him back. What is he? Lucky? Hah. Never again.'_

  


  


"Liar," Sugawara sniffled as he chewed on the last french fry from the packet he accidentally carried with him.

  


  


  


The front door bolted open. Ushijima and Shirabu were on the couch, nearly naked and making out, and the loud sound halted their actions.

Shirabu shrieked and held his chest while Ushijima jerked in surprise. They both turned to the source of the footsteps and saw a bawling, swollen eyed, tear-stained Sugawara.

"Suga?" Shirabu rose, throwing a pair of pants to Ushijima's face. He slipped in his shirt as he ran towards Sugawara, not bothering to cover his brief-clad ass.

"Shit, you look awful. Damn ugly." Shirabu cupped his flatmate's face. "Who was it? Did someone grope you again? Were you shouted at by your boss? Wait... was it that fucker? What did he do? Did he pull some shit today? Did he reject you? Did he cheat on you?"

"They are not together, Shirabu."

"Shut up, _Ushiwaka._ "

Sugawara sniffled, wiping his tears with his curled fists. "I-Iwaizumi… h-he's back. T-They are to-together again."

A half naked Ushijima who was by their side seconds later shot his boyfriend a questioning look, not aware of who Iwaizumi was. Shirabu mouthed 'ex' and turned to his weeping friend.

"That dumb fuck. He does not know who he is missing out." The med student pulled some tissues from a tissue box conveniently sitting on a piece of furniture. He wiped the youngest's tears and let him blow his nose.

"Ushijima, get him some water." Said man was already in the kitchen while Shirabu led Sugawara to the couch.

"Breathe in, breathe out. Look at me. Breathe through your nose. One more time. Breathe in, breathe out. Suga, try for me. We ran out of asthma medication."

Ushijima returned with a glass of water which Sugawara nearly finished. Shirabu rubbed his back while Ushijima pressed on his pressure points. He gradually relaxed, breathing back to normal and his cries subsiding to sniffles.

"What the hell happened?" Shirabu inquired but immediately raised his hand to Sugawara's face. "Shit no. You'll cry again."

"I'm fine," Sugawara mumbled. "I am sorry for coming home. I told you two that I'm staying there tonight. I bought us some dinner and when I went there, I saw Iwaizumi."

"And?"

"By the looks of it, he just finished having sex. There were scratches on his back. Then Oikawa came out of the bathroom later, limping and half-naked too."

"That fucke—"

"Shirabu." Said male shut his mouth. Ushijima prodded. "And then?"

"I left. I couldn't take it."

"You're telling me that you left the food that you bought with your salary for them to mooch on? Holy fuck, how fortunate of them! May they choke and die."

"Shirabu."

"Stop calling my name, _Wakatoshi-kun._ " The copper-haired student glared. "We still have some dinner left in the fridge. Ushijima, heat it up."

"I have no appetite, and stop ordering Ushijima-san around."

"I won't take 'no' as an answer." Shirabu shooed his boyfriend away who then rummaged the fridge.

"Suga, you know what—"

Sugawara sighed a surrendering sigh. "I know. You told me before to be careful but I did not listen."

"That is not what I would say." The student rolled his eyes and slightly elbowed Sugawara. "I am not a mind reader and I am not the best companion to be around with, but if you think you need to talk about it, go ahead and do it."

Red surfaced on Shirabu's face as Sugawara looked at him with twinkling eyes. "S-Stop giving me those—"

Sugawara threw himself on a flustered Shirabu, the elder awkwardly wrapping his arm around his flatmate.

"Thanks, senpai."

"S-Sure. If you need someone to castrate that motherfucker, Ushijima is here."

Ushijima laid the microwaved food on the center table and patted Sugawara's head.

"I would get jailed if I do that."

Shirabu grimaced. "Can't you read the mood, you simpleton?"

"Thanks to you two. You two are the best." The couple shared a look, pleasantly surprised, and the slightest smiles curved on their lips.

  
  
  


Sugawara did not turn up to work the following day.

  


Too much crying led to a pounding headache and terrible colds. He phoned his boss and filed a sick leave and promised to come to work the very next day.

  


It was an opportunity to rest his weary body and have a break to compose himself.

  


  


Oikawa had no schedule but he heard from his assistants that Sugawara was sick.

  


He wondered if it was that bad because Sugawara won't answer his calls and texts.

  


He remembered the unreadable expression on Sugawara's face the night before. It felt like Oikawa did something wrong, something that offended Sugawara. Was it because he did not tell him that Iwaizumi was back in Japan?

He himself was caught in surprise. Iwaizumi reached out to him via SNS a few days ago, and there he was, knocking on his door and making a mess out of Oikawa.

He never visited Sugawara but he knew his address. As far as he was aware, Sugawara lived on the second floor and he had a flatmate who was a graduating medical student. He saw him in pictures so he was certain that the tall man standing by Sugawara Koushi's door was not the said flatmate.

He grimaced, knuckles nearly turning white around a bag of restaurant-bought congee, fruits and medicine. He was merely peeking from his car window a few meters away from Sugawara's flat building but with the binoculars he brought, he could see the bright beam on Sugawara's face upon seeing the flowers. The giant was saying something with a poker face that annoyed the spectator, but Sugawara seemed unfazed. Sugawara opened the door wide, went behind the giant and pushed him inside happily.

  


  


Sugawara seemed okay. Sugawara seemed well.

  


  


Hell, he still has the energy to giggle and flirt with that damn giant.

  


  


Sugawara never told him of any suitor so who was that guy?

  


  


Did Sugawara let just anyone in his house?

  


  


"What a waste," he glared down at the bag he was holding.

  


  


"What's with the tangerines?" Iwaizumi's brows furrowed as he went out of the bathroom and saw a pile of said fruit on the table. "Is it already harvest season? Why did you peel _everything?_ Are you nuts? Didn't you just finish a bowl of congee?"

Oikawa grumpily popped a segment in his mouth. "Just help me finish these, Iwa-chan."

  
  
  


"What the fuck is your problem?"

Sugawara had enough of the attitude. Oikawa was fussy the entire morning. He was irritable when being styled for an interview. He was unusually picky with his outfit. He nitpicked Sugawara for the most trivial things such as his choice of slacks, the length of his nails and the color of his bag.

It was clear to everyone how the usually polite and frolicsome actor woke up on the wrong side of the bed. However, when the cameras rolled, the bastard wore a smile that could fool anyone of his mood offscreen.

Lunch. Oikawa just made him buy coffee, only to give it out to someone else. Sugawara was asked to buy again even if it was not part of his job description at all, and on the third instance, Sugawara exploded.

Oikawa looked up from the phone he was fiddling and flat out replied. "Nothing."

Sugawara brought his chopsticks down and stood. "Something's obviously wrong and you are taking it out on me."

Oikawa rose to his feet, walking towards his infuriated manager. "Why do I need to explain anything to someone who lied about being sick?"

"Excuse me?" Sugawara glared angrily at the towering male. "I was sick and you had no schedule."

Oikawa's voice lowered. "But you still have the energy to stand and laugh with that suitor of yours."

Sugawara's face scrunched in confusion. "Suitor? What?"

Oikawa seemed caught off guard for a second. "The tall guy on your doorstep. The one holding the flowers."

"Who? Oh. The flowers are not for me and he is not…" Sugawara trailed off, the words sinking in. "Why do I even have to explain to you? Who even gave me the permission to visit without my consent?"

Oikawa hated the other's sass. "I let you in my abode without any complaints so what's with the attitude?"

"I am your manager. I am supposed to check on you especially with how much of a baby you were. But now, you seem responsible enough." Sugawara fumbled in his pockets and shoved the duplicate of Oikawa's house key to the other. "Here's your key. If ever you need me, you should just call me and answer the door."

"Wait. Suga-chan," Oikawa's face fell as he stared at the key. "That's not what I… You cannot just…"

"There's someone to wake you up from now on, right?"

  


The air conditioner's breeze suddenly felt too cold. The atmosphere felt heavier. Tension arose as Sugawara stared coldly at Oikawa who understood the situation.

  


"Let me make it clear. We do not plan to live together. He will just, on some days, visit and sleep over."

Sugawara sat down again and dug in his lunch, completely avoiding Oikawa's eyes. "None of my business."

"You are angry." The actor pointed out.

"I am not." Sugawara drank from his tumbler.

"You are."

"I said I am not. Go back to your seat."

Oikawa dragged his chair towards the spot across Sugawara and watched as his manager chewed calmly. Sugawara's eyes spoke volumes about their inner turmoil though. "Listen, about Iwa-chan, I know I said before that I would never get back with him, but…"

"I have no problem with that. I was just surprised that you can break your own promises."

A guilty look. "I know. I didn't really want him back, but when I saw him after all these years, I realized that I still—"

"Wait a sec. Why are you bothering to explain?" Sugawara raised his hand in front of Oikawa's face and drank the remnants of his tea. "As long as it does not affect your work and career, we have no problem."

"You are upset."

"Why will I be? You do not have to tell me everything anyway. I am just your manager."

"You are the only true friend I have." Surprise flickered in Sugawara's orbs as the words left Oikawa's lips. He darted his eyes towards the actor who wore a gloomy expression. He opened his mouth, intending to say something, when his phone rang.

"Excuse me… Hello, Ushijima-san? He what? Is he okay? Yes, yes, I understand. It's my lunch break. It's okay. I'll be there in the next… 20 minutes. Please look over him until I get there."

"Any problem?" The actor inquired as Sugawara bolted up and grabbed his bag.

The younger seemed uneasy. "Sorry, Oikawa-san. My flatmate collapsed during his hospital duty. I need to fetch him now. I'll come back in an hour."

"I'll drive you there."

"But—"

"You need to be there in 20 minutes, right?"

Sugawara had no choice but to accept the offer.

  
  
  


Oikawa peeked at the rearview mirror to see Sugawara anxiously fiddling with his fingers. He kept looking at his phone as if waiting for updates.

"That giant will be okay." Oikawa uttered as they stopped in front of a stoplight.

Sugawara deadpanned. "Shirabu's 5'9."

 _I knew it._ "So the giant is not your flatmate?"

"No."

"Is he your boyfriend?"

"I do not have a boyfriend or a suitor. I do not fuck with someone when I have a lover."

  


That hurt.

  


Oikawa knew that he had to explain. "Suga, let me clear one thing. That one time you came… that was the first time Iwa-chan and I saw each other again."

"Explains why you willingly opened your legs for him as a grand reunion. I did not expect you to be like... _this._ "

 _This weak,_ Oikawa was aware of the word left unsaid. "That being said, I was still not in a relationship with him again when I was fooling around with you."

 _Fooling around._ The manager's chest constricted at the words. _What we had was merely fooling around._

  


Sugawara always knew that but to hear it straight out of Oikawa's lips crushed him.

  


"Okay."

  


"Suga."

  


"What?"

  


A hand wrapped around Sugawara's trembling hand. "Thank you for being with me while I was broken."

  


  


Iwaizumi was the one who broke Oikawa but he was also the one who mended him.

  


  


Sugawara tried picking Oikawa's shattered pieces but he only wounded himself in the process.

  


  


It was Sugawara's fault. All his fault.

  


  


"No prob." The manager curtly replied, pulling his hand away as the car accelerated.

  
  
  


Sugawara nearly jumped off the car as soon as the engine stopped. He ran towards the hospital entrance and saw Ushijima pushing a wheelchair with Shirabu on it.

  


Sugawara rushed to his pale, frail flatmate and cupped his face.

  


  


Oikawa did not like it.

  


  


"Are you okay? Did you hit your head? Break a leg? Can you tell who I am? Didn't I tell you not to overexert yourself?" The manager tilted the other's head, checking for injuries.

A hand slap made him wince. "Ouch!"

"I merely fainted. I do not have amnesia, _kouhai._ Stop being such a mom. I had enough with Ushijima." Shirabu scowled at his overreacting flatmate. His eyes landed on the man standing behind Sugawara, wearing a fedora, sunglasses and face mask.

Sugawara followed the direction of his flatmate's stare and saw his artist. He hissed. "Goodness, I told you not to get out of the car!"

 _Why? So I won't see you being so touchy with your flatmate? Wait, what am I thinking?_ "Calm down. No one will recognize me."

"Your ridiculous height alone screams 'celebrity.'"

Shirabu clucked his tongue. "Suga, why bring your kid along if you will just have a lovers' quarrel in front of me?"

Oikawa raised a brow. "Excuse me?"

Sugawara threatened Shirabu with a fist. The other was unfazed. "Cut the sass, Shirabu. I can't think of any way to take you home but to be on a ride with him."

"I collapsed, then I need to deal being in an entire car ride with that wild kid of yours." The med student turned to Ushijima. "This is all your fault. I said I am okay."

"You are not." The professor deadpanned and turned to the silver-haired manager. "Sugawara, please take care of Shirabu. He is—"

"My life, my light, the reason why I breathe," Sugawara dramatically reenacted before his expression turned into a poker face. "Stop with the cheesy stuff and reminding me that I don't have a love life."

"You have a love life." Ushijima stated.

The student quipped. "A tumultuous one."

"Oh God, not again," Sugawara rubbed his face, exasperated. "Ushijima-san, we are going ahead. Wait. You coming over later?"

Ushijima nodded. "I'll stay for the night. Shirabu can't always burden you with his stubbornness."

"I am just here, Ushijima _sensei._ "

"'Kay. I'll make us dinner."

Ushijima pushed the wheelchair to the university's parking lot where Oikawa's car was. Sugawara urged the actor to get inside in case the other was recognized. He opened the door as he helped Ushijima carry Shirabu inside and went in.

"Thank you, Sugawara, Oikawa-san." Ushijima slightly bowed. Oikawa nodded and Sugawara shook his head.

"I'll tuck him to bed. See you."

Ushijima bid his boyfriend goodbye who shyly returned the gesture before laying his head on Sugawara's shoulder.

  


  


"So he is dating his professor who unfortunately still has to oversee the other students."

  


"Yes."

  


"And the flowers were for your flatmate."

  


"Yes."

  


The car ride was awkward. Shirabu was sound asleep, leaving Sugawara to deal with Oikawa. Oikawa was obviously trying to strike a conversation with Sugawara, and the latter was attempting to be as polite as possible.

"If it were not a duty day, Ushijima won't need to call me in the middle of work. My apologies."

"It's nothing, Suga-chan." Oikawa replied as he swerved to a curve. "We don't have any important meetings and schedule today so you can go home with your friend."

Normally, Sugawara would refuse but this was his flatmate they were talking about. "Thank you. This means a lot."

Oikawa could not stop himself from uttering, "by the way, your friends mentioned about your love life. You haven't mentioned anything about it."

"It is because it is nonexistent." Sugawara's chest ached to his own words. "Don't mind them."

  


  


"Shirabu, hey, Shirabu." Sugawara shook his friend awake. "We're here. Oi, Kenjirou, wake up."

"Mmmmm," Shirabu grunted sleepily and buried his face on Sugawara's arm. "My legs feel numb."

"I'll carry him." Oikawa got out of the car and opened the door, crouching down so his manager's friend could get on his back. A sleepy Shirabu was compliant enough, and Sugawara got ahead to unlock the front door.

  


After tucking his flatmate on bed, Sugawara led Oikawa to the door.

  


"Thank you for your help. This is the last time I will ever leave between work hours," he bowed politely, something Oikawa was not accustomed to.

"It's fine. I hope your friend will be alright."

"Thanks." Sugawara was about to close the door when Oikawa's hand held the door edge.

  


"Oikawa-san?"

  


"Are we okay, Suga-chan?"

  


"We are."

  
  
  
  


They were not.

  


It was clear as the day how Sugawara was distancing himself from Oikawa.

  


Even to himself, he felt as if he was acting strange being too formal and detached from Oikawa. He only talked with him about work related matters, and despite not knowing his reasons, Oikawa seemed to be respecting the decision.

  


  


Sugawara missed Oikawa.

  


  


He missed conversing, _communicating_ with him.

  


  


He missed hugging him and holding his hand.

  


  


He missed hearing him laugh because of his jokes.

  


  


He missed seeing him beam brightly at him.

  


  


He missed holding him at night.

  


  


He missed hearing his groans, his breathy voice murmuring dirt to his ears.

  


  


He missed feeling Oikawa's body pressed against him, sending him to the sea of pleasure over and over again.

  


  


He missed doing everything with Oikawa, doing what Iwaizumi was apparently doing.

  


  


There were times when Oikawa seemed saddened with Sugawara's actions but Sugawara could not count the times his heart broke upon hearing Oikawa giggling on the phone. Oikawa kept on smiling almost every time he texted, a smile Sugawara never saw before Iwaizumi came back.

As Oikawa's closest friend and confidant for the last two years, Sugawara knew how void Oikawa really was. The celebrity hid the pain behind a cheerful, carefree image.

People wanted Oikawa Tooru, wanted to be him. He had the fortune to purchase anything he wished. He had many friends, fans, followers. He had everything other people dreamt of, except joy.

  


  


Except love.

  


  


With the love of his life finally back in the picture, Oikawa was finally complete.

  


  


He did not need Sugawara anymore.

  


  


He may want him but Sugawara was still not ready to coexist with Iwaizumi.

  


  


He may want him for now but be fine without him later.

  


  


Sugawara had no place in his life anymore, not that Sugawara minded.

  


  


If Oikawa was happy, then so be it.

  


  


Sugawara would gladly suffer.

  
  
  
  


"Suga-chan, please?" Since several days ago, Oikawa kept on following Sugawara around, begging him to join them and dine with Iwaizumi.

"Why?" The silver-haired manager passed down the halls, nodding at the company staff he saw along the way. His artist caught up with him, walking by his side with hands folded together.

"Iwa-chan wants to know you better. I told him that you are my lovely manager so yes, he wants to meet you."

"Why does he even need to know me? I am but a mere manager."

"Because I told him that you are my best friend through thick and thin." Oikawa trailed behind him as they transferred to the building with a cafeteria. "Suga-chan, please? You had been avoiding me too much and I miss you."

  


_"I miss you."_

  


_That's only for now, Oikawa._

  


"One, I am not avoiding you. Two, we are always together."

"Sugaaaa." The actor tugged on Sugawara's sleeve and showed his charming puppy eyes.

Sugawara halted on his tracks, denying to himself that he softened because of the other's expression. He held his own hip and frowned. "If I come, will you stop bugging me?"

  


"Yes."

  


"Okay then."

  


Oikawa lurched forward and threw his arms around his manager. "Yeay!"

"Stop being embarrassing," Sugawara slapped the actor's arm, seeing how the other employees had seen them.

"Thank you, Suga-chan." Oikawa cheerily mused and went with him for lunch.

  


Alas, he could not say 'no' to Oikawa.

  


What could be worse than dining with his first love's boyfriend?

  


  


That particular worse thing was to find himself on a double date the next evening.

He had no time to reprimand Oikawa when the latter zoomed towards the table and kissed Iwaizumi. Sugawara could barely remember the former ace's face as he only focused on Oikawa back in middle and high school. His face was in a permanent scowl, almost the same as Shirabu, but his flatmate was at least pleasant to look at.

  


  


Iwaizumi's default expression pissed Sugawara off.

  


  


Iwaizumi was generally polite, not going over the line with his questions. He was also a cool guy, at least from the anecdotes he shared about his life studying abroad. In just one sitting, he understood why Oikawa was so hung up to him.

He was composed, remarkable, confident and experienced. He knew Oikawa for such a long time and had been with him through thick and thin. He could control him and ground him in place with just a stare.

  


He was amazing. He was everything Sugawara could never be.

  


Maybe that was why Sugawara did not like him.

  


The man beside him was apparently a common friend. The guy named Terushima Yuuji told him that he got interested to meet him when Oikawa showed him Sugawara's picture.

  


  


To know that Oikawa tricked and set him up for a surprise blind date was beyond appalling.

  


  


He thought he was being too shallow to feel betrayed, but that was the truth.

  


  


He felt as if Oikawa was giving him away.

  


  


As if Oikawa was invalidating whatever thing they had in the past two years.

  


  


As if Oikawa was throwing his feelings away.

  


  


It was hard to control his inner turmoil. He had to be as composed as he could despite wanting nothing but to lash out on Oikawa, get the fuck off this date and go home to cry while watching melodramas and lamenting about his complicated love life.

The ordeal drew closer to the end as Iwaizumi and Oikawa excused themselves to the washroom after dinner. Across Sugawara, Terushima was staring intently at him as if waiting for him to say something. He needed to be honest to someone as genuine as Terushima.

"I am so sorry." He bowed apologetically. "You are a great guy, Terushima-san, but I am not ready to date."

"Figured it out." Terushima remarked, startling Sugawara. He leaned closer and whispered, "you're set up without your knowledge, right?"

  


Sugawara's expression revealed it all.

  


"As I guessed. You seemed shocked when you were approaching this table." Terushima leaned on the chair and crossed his arms. "Must hurt to be set up by the person you like."

  


The color from the manager's face drained. "How…"

  


"It's obvious." Terushima laughed and swigged the remnants of his drink. "There is this tension between you and Oikawa, you and Iwaizumi. I was not sure what it was but now, confirmed. I am wondering how Oikawa could not tell. Even Iwaizumi seems to have a clue."

  


_Iwaizumi what?_ "Won't you tell him?"

  


"I'll keep it a secret only if you give me your number." The other winked but waved his hand when he noticed Sugawara's expression. "Kidding. It's just that I need someone to contact to ask about your company applications. I am looking for a more stable job and I heard your company pays well."

"Oh. I see." Sugawara chuckled. He pulled out a business card and handed it to the other. "Please contact me and I will inform you about it."

  


"Thanks, Sugawara." 

  


The couple came back.

  


"Having fun?" Oikawa asked.

  


"Yup." Terushima smiled. "Sugawara's a cool guy. We gotta reconnect next time."

  


Sugawara nodded. "We should."

  
  


Iwaizumi went with Terushima. That left Sugawara and Oikawa together. The thing was, the manager was walking hurriedly, consciously separating himself from Oikawa.

"Suga-chan, it's late. Hop over." Oikawa gestured to his parked car.

"No thanks." Sugawara spat harsher than he intended to.

"Are you mad?"

Sugawara halted on his tracks. "Why did you do that?"

Oikawa was completely clueless. "Do what?"

"Set me up."

Oikawa replied. "Because you are single. You are alone. I have someone, while you are stuck being alone."

"Do you think I need a love life to survive?" Sugawara was soon to break down. "I don't wanna date."

"Then I will tell Teru-chan—"

"Already told him." He turned to Oikawa and warned. "Stop meddling with my personal affairs."

The actor's face fell. "Sorry. I just wanted what's best for you."

"Best for me? What are you, my dad?" Sugawara scoffed. "Thank you for the effort, but I don't need anyone else. I am more than fine and happy being alone before you came to my life."

He could tell that his tears were about to fall. He turned on his heels, ready to run away only for Oikawa to grip his wrist. "Sugawara! We are not done talking."

"What are we supposed to talk about?"

"I cannot understand you anymore!" Oikawa threw his hands in frustration. "You say that we are okay but we are not! You are upset for reasons I cannot tell. You are avoiding me, pushing me away, taking the intentions of my actions wrongly. What the fuck is your problem?"

Oikawa stopped when he saw tears cascading Sugawara's face. His hold loosened and he gradually let go of his arm. "You really don't know? Are you that fucking dense!?"

  


"What am I supposed to know?"

  


"Are you clueless or purposely turning a blind eye on things?"

  


"Suga, I cannot understand."

  


"You never really noticed how I look at you, do you?"

  


"What…" Oikawa's expression morphed into one of surprise when the words sank in. He was at loss, opening his mouth but not uttering anything coherent. "Fuck… Suga…"

The confirmation about the meaning of the words came crashing on him. "Do you need me to spell it out for you? I love you, Oikawa Tooru. Always loved you. Not as a friend, not as a manager, but in a romantic way."

Remorse filled Oikawa. All of his words, all of his careless actions probably meant something to Sugawara. He felt like a bucket of ice was poured down at him as everything made sense. He reached for Sugawara, not knowing what to do. "Sorry. I did not know."

"No, no. Don't say sorry. It's not your fault." Sugawara raised a hand and staggered backwards. "Maybe this is the right time to finally say everything. We were schoolmates, and I could only look at you from afar since middle school. I was crazy for you, even when you graduated. You were injured in college, stopped using SNS, and then I heard that you debuted. Despite being a fresh grad, I applied in your agency just to have a glimpse of you, and before I knew it, I became your manager. Creepy, isn't it?" Sugawara chuckled hollowly and tauntingly applauded himself. "You were part of my life for so long without you knowing. So when you showed me the slightest interest, I grabbed the opportunity despite Shirabu's warnings. I took the golden opportunity despite the fact that I know you just see me as a fuck buddy. Stupid, isn't it?"

Sugawara panted harshly, the pent up emotions he held in for years just spilling all at once. His talent stood rooted to the ground, unable to say anything. Sugawara almost felt bad, aware that everything might be too much for Oikawa, but he needed to do this. Oikawa needed to hear this.

"When Iwaizumi came back, I already accepted the harsh reality, Oikawa. You love him so, so much even when he hurt you. Even when he left you hanging. Even when he chose his dream over you. Even when you said you would never get back together. That is alright. You are happy. You are finally with the person you love and that is fine, but for you to meddle with my love life? For you to set me up as if throwing my worthless feelings away? I am beyond insulted."

"Suga…" Oikawa was so torn, regrets piling up on his shoulders. How could he not notice? How could he not know? How could he miss something so obvious? "I didn't know. I swear I wasn't aware... I am sorry. I am so sorry."

"Enough." Sugawara wiped his own tears and shook his head. "I am sorry. I am tired. I surrender. I quit."

Arms were thrown around him, holding him tight. "Please don't. I need you, Suga-chan. We can fix this."

Sugawara attempted to push him away. "The agency has other managers. We can never fix this. I cannot do this."

Oikawa desperately held on Sugawara's wrists. "I don't know what would happen to me without you."

"You mean your career. You can do it, Oikawa. I was just a mere guide."

"You are more than that."

"I am your manager, nothing else. I simply manage you and your schedules. You are the one who makes you as you." Sugawara successfully got free from Oikawa's hold. "Tomorrow, I'll talk with the agency. I'll train a new manager for you before I resign."

  


"Please, Suga. I'll do anything. Just stay."

  


"Aren't you really selfish, begging someone who is hurting because of you to stay?"

  


The remark had Oikawa staggering back, eyes downcast as he stared painfully to his manager, friend, confidant.

  


They remained on their spots, Sugawara wiping his tears and Oikawa gazing at him with guilt and despair.

  


"Go home, Oikawa." Sugawara straightened his shoulders to compose himself. "It's getting late. You have an audition tomorrow."

"I will take you home."

"Please do not make me fall harder." Sugawara's eyes pleaded, and Oikawa watched as his manager walked away.

  


  


_Finally fucked everything up. Rejected my date who he set me up with, confessed, said I'll be resigning._

He slid his phone in his pocket upon sending his flatmate the text. He looked like a loser bawling on his handkerchief while sitting in a damn bus but he could not bring himself to care.

He cried because the burden of his years-long secret was lifted off his shoulders. He cried because he poured out everything on Oikawa. He cried because he would leave the two-year job he loved. He cried because he had to let Oikawa go for he could never be his.

He knew he should have not lashed out on Oikawa. Sugawara was the one who never confessed and settled on watching and waiting. He was aware how somewhat dense Oikawa was but he still expected that his feelings would be read. He was the one who let Oikawa have his way between his legs and took advantage of the other's interest. He was the one who decided to play the martyr game despite the sirens ringing in his head.

  


Oikawa might be dense but Sugawara was stupid.

  


He went down on his stop. He sniffled along the way, not minding the pitiful and weirded out stares thrown his way. His eyes fell on a metal lamp post and saw his ugly, miserable reflection. _Hah, I probably looked this awful when I confessed. Pathetic._

He slowly walked from the main road to the community streets and alleys. He wanted nothing but to go home and lock himself in his room or probably distract himself with his friends or just talk about his problems. He had no energy though, weak from the emotional rollercoaster he had the entire night. He trudged on his way, hugging himself as the cool night breeze blew.

  


It was well until he turned to a certain alley. He did not have to look to be aware that someone was following him. He thought it was just some stranger walking on his way home but in an entire minute, he was definitely following Sugawara.

The footsteps were heard throughout, only to halt a second delayed whenever Sugawara stopped. He knew he was being observed; he knew that the other knew that he was hyper aware of the stranger's presence.

  


  


He turned to another curve and cautiously craned his neck to a nearby lamppost.

  


  


Sure enough, there was a stranger in a dark mask and hoodie a few meters behind him.

  


  


He ran. He did not know why he was being followed. Was it because of his expensive looking apparel? Was it because it was a salary day and his aura screamed big paycheck? Was it because he seemed vulnerable and weak enough to be overpowered? Was it another stalker?

  


Whatever the reason was, he just ran. He ran for his worthless life. He turned to streets he never crossed, to alleys he never took, but the other man was still behind him.

  


Soon, he did not hear the footsteps anymore. He might have lost his stalker already. He leaned by a wall, panting harshly as he willed his body to relax.

  


His breath hitched as something cold rested on his throat and a forceful hand grounded him in place.

  


"Give me your belongings, pretty boy." The disgustingly hoarse voice echoed in his ears. He shakily maneuvered his arms, fumbling his pockets for his wallet.

  


Before he even reached for it, his eyes fell on a woman who witnessed the incident, staring at them wide-eyed. Something sharp suddenly punctured and plunged near his stomach, knocking a pained gasp out of him. The presence behind him left, running, as the woman screamed for help on the top of her lungs.

  


Sugawara stumbled on the concrete, choking on air as he instinctively held where he was stabbed. The woman rushed to him, screaming once more, and all went black.


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reconciliation
> 
> Development
> 
> Breakup

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finished this earlier than expected thanks to the inspiration that haikyuu socmed aus and Asuma Kousuke gave me
> 
> Last chap will be up 1-2 weeks from now
> 
> New fic will be posted by May

Oikawa was losing it.

  


One hour ago, he was left to deal with Sugawara's confession and two hours later, he would find out that Sugawara was stabbed.

  


Right after the confrontation, he retired himself in a convenience store near his condo, intending to compose himself after his manager's heartfelt confession.

He purchased too many steamed buns, hotdogs and rice meals, anything that strayed away from his healthy diet but he did not care. He was devastated; he unknowingly hurt a friend, subjected him multiple times into heartbreaking situations, and would probably not see him anymore after the latter's resignation.

It dawned upon him how insensible he truly was. He recalled some fellow artists teasing him about how whipped his lovely manager was when it came to him and how Sugawara had a sixth sense knowing Oikawa's needs. He remembered the times Sugawara returned all the flirting and blurted out things Oikawa thought were just said at the heat of the moment whenever they were on bed. He racked his brain if he knew Sugawara back in middle and high school and groaned at the realization that Sugawara was following him all this time without him knowing.

  


  


What manager does the things personal assistants are supposed to do such as buying or making him lunch and wiping his sweat?

  


  


What manager holds his talent's hand, kisses him or sucks him off as ways to lighten up the anxiety felt right before filming?

  


  


What manager spreads his legs for his artist unless attraction exists?

  


  


If he was so hung up with Iwaizumi for several years, Sugawara definitely beat him into it by solely watching from afar for ages and by being in love with him for a decade.

  


  


He opened his cell data, needing to have some distraction. Notifications flooded in from the group chat of his team. It was in chaos. One of his personal assistants sent a news clip and replies from his stylists and the other members of the group flooded in.

 _'What's going on?'_ He sent, wondering why some of them mentioned Sugawara. Some members even tagged Oikawa.

His hair stylist replied, _'Suga-kun was stabbed.'_

  


  


_Suga-kun was stabbed._

  


  


His mind went blank.

  


  


_Suga-kun was stabbed._

  


  


_Suga was what?_

  


  


He scrolled up, clicked the video that was posted several minutes ago and played it.

  


  


_A 25-year old man from Roppongi, Minato was stabbed around 9:03 PM. The man was identified to be Sugawara Koushi, an employee of an entertainment company. According to the police's investigation, the victim was allegedly involved in a hold up incident and was stabbed by the suspect upon seeing a witness. The victim was taken to the hospital and the authorities are investigating further in the case._

  


  


Oikawa paled. He stood up, completely forgetting about the empty packets on the table as he rushed out and boarded his car.

"Where's the hospital?" He asked as soon as his personal assistant answered his call.

_"It was not said in the report but most probably, he was sent to the nearest hospitals. I can look for the addresses, Oikawa-kun."_

"Yes please. Thanks." He started the engine, wasting no time and waited for the addresses to come.

  


  


Regrets began to pile up.

  


  


He regretted that their last conversation ended with a bitter note.

  


  


He regretted that that was the last memory he left Sugawara.

  


  


He regretted not running after him and forcing him inside his car.

  


  


He regretted letting him go, just watching as his precious friend slipped away from his grasp.

  


  


He regretted being so blind, so fucking stupid and insensible with Sugawara's feelings.

  


  


He arrived at the right hospital by second try. He ran along the halls, almost slipping on his footing. His heart pounded in his ribcage, the blaring sound almost deafening him as his foot led him in front of the emergency room. 

  


  


_No. I couldn't lose you, Suga. I can't. You can't just leave me as you please_ _—_

  


  


Sugawara's friends were already there, the shorter in a scrub suit and the taller in civilian. Sugawara's flatmate paced around, wiping his budding tears and his boyfriend was attempting to compose him.

The med student, who, on first impression, was feeble and frail suddenly lurched forward to the actor upon seeing him.

  


"You," he was livid and not even his lover could stop him from spitting all of his fury. "How can you not take him home? You'll take him out to have dinner with your boyfriend and a random guy on his fucking day off and you cannot even drive him home!?"

"Shirabu," his lover patted his shoulder but he merely shrugged it off. He glared menacingly at the actor before him who was nearly in tears.

A shaken Oikawa was slammed on the wall and people turned their gazes to them, not that they cared.

Shirabu snarled, tears pooling in his eyes. "If not for you inviting him for dinner, if not for you letting him come home alone, this would not happen at all. He could just be sleeping today on his day off but what did you do? You moronic, dense, heartless monst—"

"Shirabu!" The tallest gripped his boyfriend's shoulders and glared. "You are not helping."

"What can I do to help, Ushijima?" The student broke down into tears, distress filling him as he worried over his friend. "Suga… our Suga… what can I do to help Suga? What can we do for him?"

  


  


Ushijima glanced at Oikawa in apology, gesturing for him to sit down.

  


  


Oikawa did not move an inch.

  


  


Ushijima held Shirabu's face and sternly said, "go back to your post."

The student refused. "I can't just leave Suga."

"Go back to your post. Your prof and classmates may be looking for you. Patients are flooding in the OPD. Staying here won't do anything."

"But…"

"The patients need you, Kenjirou." The student's eyes widened at the words. Ushijima thumbed a tear rolling down Shirabu's cheeks and the student noticeably calmed down.

"I will stay here with Oikawa to wait. You can go here after your shift. We can even stay here if that would relieve you."

  


Shirabu glanced coldly at Oikawa. Hostility was clear in his eyes, lacking sympathy to the tearing up male.

  


  


Oikawa could not blame him.

  


  


It was all his fault.

  


  


A swollen-eyed Shirabu left the area, leaving Oikawa and Ushijima sitting.

"It is not your fault that this happened." Ushijima uttered.

  


After that, no one spoke a word between them.

  


As much as the silence felt heavy, Oikawa appreciated it, for one more attempt to talk and he would surely break down.

  


Why did this have to happen to Sugawara? He was nothing but an angel to Oikawa, a tiny spark of light that lit up his dark, glum world.

  


Behind the mask of a carefree celebrity was a man drowning in the pits of loneliness. Oikawa's past haunted him. His insecurities ate him. His dire need of attention, of acceptance and affection suffocated him.

  


But Sugawara was there.

  


  


He admired him even when he was still nothing.

  


  


He still followed him when almost everyone else forgot him.

  


  


He encouraged him when he thought he could not perform well.

  


  


He held his hand when nobody noticed how anxious he was before filming.

  


  


He drank with him to celebrate, lament or bond.

  


  


He embraced him even when he lacked the flattering makeup and styling, designer clothes and was just himself.

  


  


He never managed to eliminate Oikawa's pain but his warmth alleviated it. 

  


  


He never made Oikawa forget but he gave him new memories to reminisce and treasure.

  


  


He never stopped the nightmares but held Oikawa throughout the ordeal.

  


  


Sugawara was there when no one else was.

  


  


Oikawa ought to be there, wanted to be there for him, too.

  
  
  
  


The surgery ended after what seemed like hours.

Oikawa could not figure out the severity of the situation based on the jargons the doctor and Ushijima uttered to each other. All he understood was that the operation was successful. No major internal organs were damaged, his vitals were stable yet Sugawara was still in a critical condition. He was still unconscious, body weak due to blood loss. His body was not in the best condition to begin with due to the immense amount of stress, so the actual recovery period may take longer than usual. The risk of infection was also high so they were advised to visit and look after Sugawara the next morning.

  


Still, no one went home.

  


They sat on the benches, waiting for morning to come. Shirabu dozed off on Ushijima's shoulder as soon as he went back from his shift. From what Oikawa heard from their conversation, the student's next shift would be by the next evening.

Ushijima read some medical e-book that he would probably use for class the next day. Oikawa stared into nothing, mind flying to one asleep patient.

  


"You barely ate your sandwich." Ushijima's voice broke the silence.

Oikawa looked at the sandwich Ushijima bought him in his hands, bearing only about three small bites. "I can't."

"We can't have another patient besides Sugawara." The doctor calmly pointed out and Oikawa took a big bite.

"Apologies for Shirabu's outburst earlier. Sugawara has been his flatmate since college, so they are close."

"How about you?"

"Who Shirabu cares for, I also care for." Ushijima answered with utmost sincerity. "Sugawara is a great guy. It was not hard to like him."

"He really is that likeable." Oikawa smiled sadly to himself.

"That had us wondering why you didn't hit it off."

  


By just a few words exchanged, Oikawa could tell that this doctor was as curt and tactless as Shirabu, only that this guy was way calmer.

  


"I was not aware of what he felt. I really did not know."

  


"You did not have to know that he liked you for you to like him."

  


"I know."

  


"What if you knew?"

  


Oikawa was at loss. "I don't know."

  


Ushijima did not say another thing but his words left Oikawa thinking.

  


  


Why didn't he know?

  


  


What if he knew? What would have he done?

  


  


So what if he did not know? What went wrong?

  


  


"I fucked up."

  


"You really did." Oikawa knew it was the case but it hurt to hear it from another person. "You two fucked up."

  


"Us?"

  


"You are dense. He never confessed." Ushijima answered as if it was the most obvious answer in the world.

  
  
  


Sugawara slept for the next three nights.

In those three nights, Oikawa never came home, spending the time watching over an unconscious Sugawara. He did not go to his scheduled film audition and mostly ignored calls from his crew. He wrote an apology letter and directly mailed it to the director of the drama he was in, explaining that he could not make it to the press conference due to emergencies.

Shirabu and Ushijima took turns visiting as only one to two visitors were allowed. The former came before and after his shift in the same hospital while the latter visited straight from university.

Oikawa stubbornly refused to go home. He begged the pair to let him stay instead and reasoned that they were tired while he had nothing to do. On the second night, Shirabu insisted on staying as well but Oikawa did not go. He did not mind the student snoring on the couch but instead, watched over Sugawara until he fell asleep by the bedside.

Ushijima even lent Oikawa some old clothes, saying that they could not risk Sugawara being infected with Oikawa's days-old clothing.

Oikawa would not leave the bedside except when the ICU nurses attended the patient. His buttocks and back ached from sitting too long but he would not leave. He won't even rest and sleep on the couch in the private room Sugawara was transferred to. The only times he left Sugawara's side was when he needed to use the washroom, change clothes, and when Shirabu asked for some private time with Sugawara. It was when the pair was there that Oikawa was forced to buy his food.

  


"The ward here is already congested. I would not like to have another patient," Shirabu scoffed at him.

Ushijima nodded. "Sugawara would not like it if you get an ulcer."

  


On the third night, the door opened, revealing a worn out Shirabu. He was dressed in normal clothes, probably planning to go home.

Before proceeding to his usual spot on the couch, he wordlessly handed Oikawa a paper bag of food.

  


"Thanks," Oikawa smiled at the younger.

"It's Ushijima's money." The med student with an almost permanent scowl laid his body on the couch, clearly exhausted.

"The police called me. The suspect was caught earlier today. An ex-convict, they say. His fingerprints matched with the ones on the knife left at the crime scene." Shirabu announced and Oikawa heaved a sigh of relief.

"I'll make sure he won't be able to bail out." Oikawa declared. Shirabu silently observed as the elder tenderly cleaned the asleep man's hands and face with wipes and looked at him with earnest eyes.

  


  


That was definitely not a look an actor would give to his talent manager, no matter what the circumstances were.

  


  


"I can stay here tonight." Shirabu offered. Oikawa was even more awful than him, obviously lacking enough sleep in the past nights.

Oikawa shook his head, eyes never leaving Sugawara's face. "I'll stay. You go home."

"You don't need to tell me what to do." The med student scoffed, eyes closed. "Isn't your boyfriend complaining that you hadn't been home for the last four nights?"

"That isn't important," was the actor's belated answer.

"So he really is whining." The student pointed out. "If it were Suga, he would not do the same thing. He would wholeheartedly understand the situation and not burden you further."

"I know." Oikawa sighed. "Iwa-chan is being unreasonable. I can't just leave Suga alone."

  


"You can."

  


"I don't want to."

  


"Why is that?"

  


"Because he is my friend and manager."

  


"Doubting that that's the reason."

  


Shirabu knew that Oikawa was giving him a pointed look. "Is it your goal to piss me off?"

"Yes," Shirabu bluntly answered. "You hurt Suga. I ought to do the same to you."

Seconds passed before Oikawa mustered a reply. "He found a good friend in you."

The younger countered. "He found a dense douchebag in you. I don't really know what he saw in you. Ever since I met him, he won't stop raving about this first love of his."

Shirabu opened his eyes to see Oikawa's blown orbs. "First love..."

"Unfortunately for him, you're his first love. First big crush, first idol, first love, first artist, first kiss, first time, first in everything."

  


"I am what?"

  


_"Are you a virgin?" A drunk Oikawa asked Sugawara on their first night together. His fingers were buried deep in Sugawara's ass, gently spreading the tight hole._

_"...n-no," an inebriated Sugawara answered, head turned to the side. His nails clenched on Oikawa's shoulders and his eyes scrunched shut._

_"Then why are you like this_ _?" Oikawa held the other's chin, staring deeply in his eyes. "You seem nervous and stiff, Sugawara."_

_"I am not. I..." Sugawara chewed on his bottom lip, cheeks burning at the smoldering gaze directed to him. "I am just not used to... you. Just take me. I am experienced enough to handle you."_

  


Clearly, Sugawara lied.

  


"He didn't tell you? As expected of that dimwit." The younger deadpanned. "He gave you his youth, his life. Stupid, if I were to be asked, but maybe, that's just how he is. He does everything hard. He loves hard."

  


Oikawa was at loss. "That definitely sounds like Suga."

  


"Mmm. I don't normally do this because I hate it when other people do this, but I have a favor to ask." The med student's eyes were upturned as a warning. "If you will just wreck Suga more, just fuck off. He does not need more hurt than you already gave him. If you don't plan to catch him, _please_ don't make him fall harder for you."

  


Gentle knocks resounded and Ushijima peeked through the ajar door. "Shirabu, let's go." He turned to Oikawa and nodded in acknowledgment.

"Wah, I am so beat." Shirabu rose from the couch. He turned to Oikawa and slightly, ever so slightly bowed. "Please consider my request."

  


It was the third day without Sugawara in his life and Oikawa felt like crumbling.

  


  


What Oikawa hated about sleeping were the nightmares.

His dreams were mostly about the memories of the past. They may be about his parents' divorce, the death of his favorite uncle, failure of his high school's volleyball team to break in the Nationals, Iwaizumi's departure, his bad fall during his last college match that led to his injury and the end of his sports career, or his first drama flopping in ratings.

  


They may be distorted images of his unfounded fears, such as the world discovering his sexuality, his career going down the drain, his father coming back to his life to mooch on his wealth, or worse, a mix of his every single worry.

  


They varied in degree of rarity depending on his entire disposition. On good days, they visit him occasionally. On the bad days, they come more often, usually two to three in one night.

  


  


That night, his nightmares involved Sugawara. On the first dream, they exchanged places in their last encounter. It was Oikawa who confessed his feelings and Sugawara who rejected him. Oikawa was the one who was stabbed, only to wake up in a coffin with no way to get out.

On the second dream, the manager just disappeared from the face of the earth and no matter how far and wide Oikawa traveled, he couldn't find him.

He did find him by a cliff, only to be hurled hurtful words. He was told all the hateful things he deserved, all the pent up hatred Sugawara had for him. He was falling, body descending on the abyss below, the words still echoing to his ears.

  


  


_You are not good in acting, you fake bastard._

  


  


_You will never be good enough._

  


  


_You are just handsome but other than that, you have nothing to brag about._

  


  


_Iwaizumi would leave you one day._

  


  


_I am tired of you, Oikawa-san._

  


  


_You don't deserve to be loved._

  


  


_I regret meeting you._

  


  


The words seemed to fade away as warmth encompassed his head. There was this delicate hand combing his locks and caressing his head as if he was a baby. The soft touch felt more real as he fell deeper down the cliff, and it gradually brought him back to the real world.

The caresses didn't stop even when he stirred. He groaned, the beeping of the machine waking him up further. He craned his neck from the spot of the bed he rested on, and opened his heavy eyes. Blurred lines of gray, white and flesh welcomed him and when his vision sharpened, he saw Sugawara patting his head, a weak smile on his pale lips.

  


"Suga-chan…" he mumbled drowsily. Sugawara's smile instantly made him forget what his dreams were and a lazy smile painted across his face.

"Go to sleep," he read Sugawara's lips and he nodded, eyelids drooping close again to drift off to dreamla—

  


_What the fu—_

  


His eyes shot wide open, and sure enough, Sugawara was awake, very much awake that had Oikawa bolting up from his seat.

  


"Oh fuck, you are finally awake!" His eyes searched for the buzzer but a hand weakly held his wrist.

"The doctor just rounded an hour ago," Sugawara explained in a hushed, weak tone and Oikawa gradually relaxed. "The nurse already adjusted my IV. Shirabu also went here earlier."

"I see." Oikawa muttered under his breath.

  


His chest seemed to be on the verge of exploding

  


  


Sugawara was awake.

  


  


Sugawara was moving.

  


  


Sugawara was speaking.

  


  


Sugawara was comforting him in his sleep.

  


  


He wanted to embrace him so badly but he couldn't.

  


  


A flurry of questions came out of his mouth instead. "Are you feeling well? Does it hurt? Where? Do you need food? Water? Juice? To go to the washroom?"

"Please calm down, Oikawa-san." It was exactly three days and three nights without hearing his name from the other's lips, and for some odd reason, Oikawa felt giddy with the name alone.

"Washroom, please."

Oikawa helped him, placing the dextrose bag on the IV pole and assisting Sugawara up. The patient held the pole with one hand and braced his arm on Oikawa who led him to the washroom. His body ached from lying down for so long and his stab wound throbbed painfully, thus Oikawa insisted on going inside the washroom to watch over him.

  


Sugawara fell asleep again and was only woken up for lunch. Shirabu dropped by for a while, exchanging a few words with him before rushing back to his duty.

  


"Oikawa-san, why are you here?" Sugawara asked when said man was blowing on the porridge. His mouth welcomed the spoonful of bland porridge in his mouth.

"Shirabu and Ushijima are busy."

"I know." Sugawara's eyebrows furrowed. "I mean, shouldn't you be working?"

Oikawa awkwardly laughed. "Don't mind about it.."

"But… wait, how many days did I sleep?"

"If not including the night you're stabbed, then three days."

Sugawara hollered in distress. "Three da—three days!? You skipped your schedule for three days!?" A groan left his lips from his outburst, his wound aching.

"Calm down." Oikawa chided. "I already took care of it."

"The other day, you were supposed to be auditioning for a film. Yesterday, you were supposed to be on your drama's final conference, and today, you are—"

"Hush, hush, Suga-chan." A banana was held before his mouth and he bit on it. "I phoned the agency the other day. I asked for a two weeks-long leave. I decided not to audition because I don't like the theme. I didn't attend the conference because I was just a side character anyway. I cancelled my radio guesting for today. I don't feel that well, to be honest. I have no important schedules for the upcoming two weeks. This was the first time I asked for a vacation leave so they let me."

"Oikawa-san, you didn't have to do this." As expected, the manager read through his artist's intentions. "Where's my phone? I need to call the agency."

"I already filed a leave for you too. A month long one."

"That is not… allowed…" Sugawara wondered how Oikawa managed to convince the superiors to file his manager's leave, but he thought if Oikawa used his charms or begged on his knees.

"Thank you." Sugawara smiled. "I will make sure to repay you."

"You can repay me by getting back to your full health as soon as possible. That starts by eating well right now."

Sugawara finished more than half of the porridge. He took some painkillers and drifted to sleep. For hours, Oikawa remained in his seat, playing some games, reading e-books, googling about stab wounds and hospital care and standing once in a while to stretch. He could not concentrate much, eyes often peeking up from his phone to the sleeping patient before him.

  


Sugawara woke up hours later and found himself consenting for Oikawa to give him a sponge bath. It was undeniably awkward; his own parents were not even able to give him a bed bath. For someone like Oikawa who he had a blurry, tumultuous relation and a heated discussion with to do it to him was beyond embarrassing.

  


"Oikawa-san, we can just call the aide."

  


"I can manage."

  


With two basins, wash cloths, towels and toiletries ready, Oikawa got to work.

  


"Is the water too warm?" He asked as he gently rubbed the crust from Sugawara's eyelids with a cloth.

"Just the right temp."

  


Oikawa's clothed hand traveled to the face and neck area. He proceeded to the arms, washing them with the washcloth dipped in soapy water and rinsing with the clean washcloth. He could tell that Sugawara felt self-conscious when Oikawa opened the patient's gown and washed the chest and belly area. Oikawa sheepishly apologized when Sugawara jolted in surprise when his belly button was touched.

  


_He must be that ticklish._

  


Oikawa immediately closed the gown, not wanting the other to be cold and conscious of his bandaged waist wound. He moved to the legs, hand reaching up to the inner thighs and moving down to the feet and toes.

"I can do it, but I think you will prefer washing your own, um…" The elder gestured to the genital area to which the younger profusely nodded.

"I'll get new water." Oikawa entered the washroom with a basin and returned with warm water. He turned to the opposite direction, handing a new washcloth to Sugawara. Shifting was heard and he knew the younger was washing his own backside.

"I'm done."

Oikawa changed the water again, this time for washing hair. He asked Shirabu to buy him a no-rinse shampoo earlier, thus the ease of washing his manager's hair. His fingers gently glid on the scalp, lathering the silver strands and wiping the foam with a towel.

Oikawa ended the bathing ritual by applying body lotion to parts of Sugawara's body. He combed Sugawara's hair and helped him sit up by adjusting the bed's angle.

  


"Anything else you need, Suga-chan?"

  


"I am okay, thank you."

  


He fed Sugawara. The nurse checked his vital signs, which were pretty stable compared to the day before. Shirabu and Ushijima came in just in time to give Oikawa a dinner takeout and chat with Sugawara.

As usual, Oikawa insisted that he would watch over Sugawara, and a grumbling Shirabu went home with his boyfriend and promised to visit the next day.

  


"You could go home, Oikawa-san." Sugawara said as the door shut closed. "I honestly can manage a few hours without someone watching over me."

"That's not okay." Oikawa shook his head. "You heard the doctor. You can be discharged by Friday if anything goes well, so we cannot risk your wound opening or getting infected."

"You sound like a parent," Sugawara clucked his tongue and rolled his eyes. "Please lower the bed. I shall rest now."

He closed his eyes, Oikawa watching him intently, but then Sugawara spoke. "Hey, I can't rest if you keep looking at me."

Oikawa heaved a defeated sigh. It seemed the right timing would never come, so he spewed what was bothering him the entire week. "Suga-chan, about last time…"

Suga beat him into it. "I apologize."

"No, I should be the one to apologize." His eyes met Sugawara's kind orbs.

"You did nothing wrong," the younger softly whispered, hand reaching for Oikawa's arm.

"I did." Oikawa's head hung low, dismayed with himself. "I was too insensitive and dense. I… I was also the one who made an indecent proposal that spiraled down into this."

Sugawara wore a remorseful expression. "No, no. I shouldn't have dumped everything on you. It was not your fault that I fell for you. It was unprofessional for me in the first place to let my personal agenda overpower my judgment. I could have said 'no' if I wanted, but I didn't. It was my choice to fall for you. It was my choice to have sex with you. You should not feel guilty, responsible and indebted because again, it was my choice. My very intentions in applying to our agency are not the very best ones, so I shouldn't have applied at all."

"God, no. I wouldn't be the Oikawa I am today if not because of you." Oikawa grasped the dainty hand on his arm and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "You told me before that it was me who made the me today, but you are the one who pushed me to strive for excellence. I was a mediocre actor. I only saw the glamour of the spotlight but lacked enough passion. You whipped me into shape and guided me along the way. You taught me how lucky I am to be given this opportunity and how I should do my best. You gave me an opportunity to shine with all the deals you sealed, and I am forever thankful for that."

  


Oikawa bowed before his manager, and the latter just felt tears rolling down his cheeks.

  


Sugawara had never felt so appreciated, so essential to someone's life.

  


For that someone to be Oikawa, the man to whom his life revolved on, it was beyond touching and motivating.

  


If his love was unrequited, then so be it.

  


Nothing would ever beat the feeling that he was instrumental for Oikawa's success and that his efforts in his job bore fruits.

  


He smiled through his tears. "Thank you, Oikawa-san. This means a lot to me."

"And you mean a lot to me," Oikawa beamed while wiping his manager's tears.

  


  


Sugawara was discharged three days later. He promised to pay Oikawa for the hospital bills in a few gives. Oikawa didn't really need the money but knowing Sugawara, the latter's pride would be wounded if he refused the payment.

The graduation was fast approaching, hence Shirabu was busier than ever. He allowed an on-leave Oikawa to come over to take care of his flatmate. Sometimes Oikawa went home, sometimes he stayed over and slept on a futon. It was almost like he lived there instead of his condo.

Oikawa took serious care of his manager. He organized his meals and medicine schedule. He cooked or ordered healthy food for Sugawara. He helped him get up in the morning and tucked him to bed at night. He insisted on washing the used dishes and clothes despite the younger's protests. He helped wash and dress the wound, using what he learned from the hospital nurses. He took good care of his manager, very good care to the point of overacting.

"I can bathe by myself." Sugawara said for the umpteenth time the first day he went home. He crossed his arms, staring blankly at the man standing by the doorway.

"I won't peek." Oikawa welcomed himself in and sat on the toilet lid. "Just close the shower curtain and I will sit here."

  


"Oikawa-san."

  


"Are you going to use the toilet? I can wash you."

  


"My wound is by the waist, not on my arm or hand."

  


"What if you move and the wound aches, bleeds and you scream not knowing what to do?"

  


"Oikawa-san."

  


"What if you slip as you shower, hit your head and faint?"

  


_"Oikawa Tooru."_ The shorter male's tone was venomous.

  


"Uh, um, if you say so, Suga-chan. Hehe, I will just wait outside the door… umm, the bedroom door… uh, okay, fine, I will wait in the living room. Just stop giving me that look."

  


  


Oikawa's two week vacation leave ended. He would have extended it to watch over Sugawara more if not for the manager pinching his ear and giving him an earful.

  


"Okay, okay! I will go to work tomorrow," Oikawa winced as he cupped his sore ear. He pouted at his manager who just shot him a reprimanding look.

  


"Please bear with it for a while. Once I recover, we would find a capable manager for you."

  


"Can't you really stay?"

  


"You know why I can't. You'll get used to it. I can't always be by your side, you know. While we are still looking for one, I will take care of you, okay?"

  


Oikawa's face dimmed but he only nodded.

  
  
  


Oikawa had schedules but it did not stop him from visiting his manager. He usually headed there when his next day schedule allowed him to.

He could go on a day not coming home or seeing Iwaizumi but he felt empty when he did not see or hear from his manager.

  


He thought he already knew Sugawara well but staying over, he discovered more things about him.

  


Sugawara was an early riser, a total opposite of a moody Oikawa in the morning. He slept like a log. He drank coffee in the morning and tea in the afternoon. He prefered his noodles slightly uncooked and chewy, he liked his soup very hot and he loved spicy Mapo tofu. He prefered sitting on the carpet and leaning on the couch, loved melodrama and mystery and hated horror.

  


Oikawa was guilty of rummaging in Sugawara's things when the latter was taking a long time to bathe. Deep in Sugawara's cabinet sat a box where a stash of everything that screamed Oikawa rested. He found a stash of his pictures, from volleyball matches and events covered on the school papers inside. Some of the same school papers bore articles about their volleyball matches, almost everything written by Sugawara. There was even this one-on-one interview with Oikawa in which Sugawara was the interviewer, and memories of a ashen-haired cutie who interviewed him once flashed in his mind. _Monthly Volleyball_ magazines, Seijoh banners, and Oikawa's film debut poster and every magazine he was in before and after Sugawara became his manager were seen inside.

  


Shirabu was not lying when he said that Sugawara gave Oikawa his youth.

  


Oikawa got more acquainted with Shirabu and Ushijima. They were nice; just oddly reticent and serious.

Shirabu spoke more compared to his boyfriend though almost anytime he opened his mouth, he would grill Oikawa or roast anybody else.

Ushijima rarely uttered a thing unless his feedback was asked or he was telling a story, but his words were always on point.

  


Shirabu never minced his words and Ushijima never masked his, hence, a perfect match. They were generally unexpressive, but their subtle acts of care for Sugawara made Oikawa understand why his manager treasured them.

  
  
  


Oikawa stepped in his abode, exhausted from the day's work. He had a CF and photoshoot that day for a fastfood chain he signed a contract with. On top of that, he had a one hour guesting at a talk show in which he gave rehearsed answers.

A half-naked Iwaizumi laid on the couch, reading a sports magazine. He looked up from the magazine, forehead creasing. He sat up and with a hostile tone, he spoke, "after ages, you finally went home."

  


"You just weren't here when I came home."

  


"For almost a week, we didn't even match scheds, huh."

  


It was true; Oikawa was barely home whenever Iwaizumi visited. It was almost a week since they last saw each other, thus Oikawa could understand the other, but he had no energy for this.

  


"The sched today is too exhausting." He went to the kitchen, getting himself a glass of water. Sturdy arms suddenly wrapped around him and lips latched on his neck.

  


A sigh. "Iwa-chan, I'm tired."

  


A grunt. "It's been weeks, Oikawa."

  


"I said I am tired." Oikawa removed the arms around him and proceeded to get another glass of water.

Iwaizumi leaned by the wall next to the fridge. "You say you are tired but you always have the energy to go visit that feeble manager of yours and nurse him."

This was getting annoying. "You got any problem with that?"

"Yes," was Iwaizumi's immediate answer. "You stay in his house more than you stay here."

Oikawa opened the faucet and rinsed his glass. "Suga-chan is sick. His housemate isn't always around—"

"Then he should hire a house nurse." Iwaizumi's answer was on point. "You aren't his slave."

"He is my friend and it is my choice to take care of him."

"I never saw you this invested with me when I was sick years ago."

"Are we really discussing this? You had parents to take care of your _fever_ and you certainly did not need a clueless teenager like me except for visits. Suga has no one anymore and he was _stabbed_ for fuck's sake."

  


"What is he? Your son? Your boyfriend?"

  


Oikawa dried the glass and walked away from the kitchen. "No, but he is someone important to me."

  


Iwaizumi followed him. "More important than me?"

  


Oikawa turned to face his boyfriend and held a hand up. "You know what, stop. I am too exhausted to deal with your jealousy fits."

"I have all the reason to be jealous." Iwaizumi retorted, irritation evident in his voice. "You cannot even answer such a simple question."

Oikawa was aware that he was evading the question. "Who am I staying with right now? To whom did I go home at? Isn't that enough to answer your question?"

"Ever since I came back, I heard nothing but Sugawara, your drama shoots, your damn work, Suga-chan did this, Suga-chan gave me that, Suga-chan, Suga-chan, fucking Suga-chan."

Oikawa crossed his arms defiantly. "Because that's where my world revolved."

  


"So now your world revolves around Sugawara."

  


The remark piqued Oikawa. "Lacking comprehension, aren't we? He is a part of the world I dwell in."

  


"A huge part of your world."

  


"Tell me. What am I supposed to talk about? High school? The good ol' times before you left? The days I cried over you?"

  


That goaded Iwaizumi. "You are bringing it up again."

  


"You think one apology is enough? Oh, it definitely was enough for me to open my legs for you again as if nothing happened." Oikawa chuckled hollowly. "Maybe Suga is right, that I was too weak for me to accept you again."

Iwaizumi slammed his arm on the nearby door. "It's fucking Suga again—"

"It was Suga who was here when you weren't." Oikawa's voice raised in volume. "It was him who oversaw my growth as an artist and a person. It was him who closed and arranged my endorsement deals and believed that I can do those things even when I was a rookie. It was him who listened to the most childish of my concerns and my darkest ones. It was Suga who understood me, held me, accepted the real me when you were not there for me."

Iwaizumi glowered. "And you will tell me that you never dated."

  


"We did not."

  


"You are lying."

  


Oikawa himself was scared of the smirk that curled on his own lips. "We fucked. Many, many times."

  


He was definitely agitating his boyfriend. "Lies."

  


He was purposely riling Iwaizumi up. "You know that I am not, Iwa-chan. Do you want to see our sex tapes?"

  


Iwaizumi clenched Oikawa's shirt. "You have what!?"

  


"Sex videos, recordings, pictures." Oikawa exaggerratedly gasped. "Oh! I have an entire collage of our afterglow. Wanna see how pretty he was after being wrecked by my dick?"

  


Iwaizumi could not tell if Oikawa was lying or not, blinded with his own emotions. "You are keeping those… keeping someone who you had sexual relations with, even now that you are with me?"

"If you will try to pull the boyfriend card on me, don't even try. He is my dearest friend and you cannot tell me to just drop him. Every moment, every single moment we shared was precious, and you could do nothing to change that."

Iwaizumi's eyes flickered with surprise, only to harden his gaze. "You changed."

"Did you really expect to meet an Oikawa Tooru who is hung up on you?" Oikawa leaned forward, towering over the other male despite the fact that his knees were shaking. "Newsflash, Mr. Iwaizumi Hajime. I am not the same Oikawa who saw you as his sole universe. I met people, encountered life-changing experiences and grew in my own way, all those things transpiring without you in it. While you? You are the same selfish cunt who wanted things his way."

Iwaizumi held up a fist and Oikawa glared at him with protruding eyes. "Go. Punch me, Iwa-chan."

  


"Shut the fuck up."

  


"Why won't you move? Go! Throw a fist! Punch! Hit me! Shatter me like you always do!"

  


"Shut the fuck up!" A punch landed on the door, just centimeters away from Oikawa's face. Iwaizumi stepped back, hand rubbing his own clouded face. "This won't work."

"We would never work." Oikawa sank to the floor, forlorn as he resigned to the apparent truth. "I am sorry, but I don't think we are meant to be, Iwa-chan."

Iwaizumi stared at empty space. "I should have never gone back in your life. Guess we were so hung up about the idea of first love that we forgot about moving on."

  


  


Silence weighed down on them for what seemed like ages. It hurt to think that they were once perfect for each other but as time passed, everything changed.

  


  


They might have been a match at one point of their lives, but things certainly took a different turn.

  


  


Iwaizumi picked his shirt and jacket from the couch, dressing up. Oikawa could not see him but he knew that Iwaizumi was broken. "I'll stay over at Terushima's. I'll get my things here tomorrow."

  


  


As Iwaizumi neared the door, his voice echoed in the condo unit.

  


  


"If Sugawara and I are drowning, who would you save first?"

  


"You can swim."

  


"And if I can't?"

  


"...stop with the hypothetical questions."

  


"You love him."

  


"I don't."

  


"You do."

  


"I love you."

  


"But you love him more."

  


"I don't."

  


"Stop lying to yourself."

  


"I am not."

  


"...I am sorry for everything. Goodbye."

  


  


Somehow, as the front door shut closed, Oikawa did not feel as empty as he did when his manager shunned him.


	4. Fin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confession
> 
> All things pleasant
> 
> Pining
> 
> Sexual tension
> 
> Smut

Oikawa was not in his best shape the next morning.

His shoulders slumped as he walked, hand covering his constant yawning. Dark circles were evident under his eyes and his hair was not as intricately styled as it was than usual.

He could tell the company employees he greeted along the way were sending him strange looks but he was so physically, emotionally and mentally worn out to care.

He just needed to evade higher ups who would probe him about his condition and lecture him about keeping up a good image, and he would be alright.

The elevator opened and he smiled politely at the employees and artists he met. He stepped in the office he needed to pass through to get to his headquarters and greeted the people.

Chattering and laughing could be heard on one particular side and among them, a laugh so melodiously familiar rang in his ears.

Sure enough, it was Sugawara, so bright and upbeat in the morning. His radiant aura did things to Oikawa and it was as if his downcast spirits were lifted up.

If it were the old times, he would have thrown his arms around Sugawara and basked in the refreshing energy he gave, but then, Sugawara Koushi did not deserve to be constantly mooched on by a self-centered Oikawa Tooru.

"S-Suga-chan?" Heads turned to him and said man waved at him.

"Good morning, Oikawa-san!" Sugawara greeted as well as the other employees. He smiled back and the employees excused themselves and got back to work.

"You're back." Oikawa mumbled quietly, eyebrows furrowing in worry.

"I know what you are thinking." Sugawara grinned as they walked towards the headquarters. "I am more than well and healthy. Ushijima checked up on me. He said my wound is fine and he allowed me to come to work as long as I do not do any strenuous activities."

"Good." Oikawa yawned again and rubbed his forehead. They entered the headquarters and he flopped down the couch, body sprawled on it.

"Hey, didn't you sleep well?" Hands cupped his face and eyes scanned his features. "Tsk. You look awful."

Oikawa's chest throbbed at their close proximity. Sugawara's face was close, way too close that Oikawa could count his thick lashes. His big orbs examined Oikawa, so dazzling to the actor's eyes. His hair, mole, nose, lips and fragrant scent dazed Oikawa and soon, the latter was leaning up, intending to close the gap between them…

...except that hands covered his mouth.

"What the hell, Oikawa," Sugawara chided, chuckling, "are you high?"

"Uh, sorry. I just… lack sleep." He turned his body to the other side of the couch to hide his burning face.

"Why is that?" The spot near his back sank as Sugawara sat beside him, patting his arm. "Wanna talk it over?"

Oikawa missed this. It has been ages since Sugawara acted as his old, caring self around him. He missed being scolded, asked if he was okay, held or simply touched.

He missed this old Sugawara so badly, the one who saw through him and showed him concern.

"Maybe next time." It didn't seem the right time to discuss his break up.

"Suga-chan?" He called once again.

"Mmm?"

He quietly spoke like a child scared to be rejected. "I know it is selfish of me, but can I have a hug?"

Sugawara made no movement and Oikawa smiled to himself, dejected. His manager was probably wondering what was happening to his talent or thinking how childish he was. Nevertheless, Oikawa's worries dissipated into thin air when arms were thrown on top of him.

As Oikawa closed his eyes while waiting for his schedule, he thought of how warm and comforting Sugawara's mere presence and touch were.

For the first time in weeks, Oikawa was at peace.

  
  
  
  


"And, cut!"

"Thank you for your hard work!" Oikawa cheerily declared, bowing and expressing gratitude to each of the staff.

It was a few days since he broke up with Iwaizumi and his mind was still flying to that painful encounter.

Iwaizumi was always the first to leave him but this time, Oikawa was the one who caused it.

It was him who hurt Iwaizumi.

It was him who did not value their relationship.

It was him who could not even give a simple answer to a childish question about who to save first…

All because he kept on denying the real answer his heart was screaming.

All because he knew that he would commit the very sin Iwaizumi did years ago:

Choosing something, someone else over what they have.

  
  


It was surely not his day, having several takes over some lines he screwed up thanks to his drowsiness. The final product was perfect though, thus all the hard work paid off.

"Oikawa-san," the voice he found soothing through the ordeal resounded in his ears and he looked to see it was his manager handing him water.

"Thank you." At his words, a smile curled on Sugawara's lips, and Oikawa cursed the warm feeling blooming in his face and chest.

"Oikawa-san, you are a little red. Are you alright?"

"Y-Yes! Yes! I, uh, dressing room, yes, bye." He dashed in the dressing room before Sugawara's hand could feel how hot Oikawa's face was.

Half an hour later, he and Sugawara walked towards the parking lot.

"Oikawa-san."

"Yes?"

"I will drive. We'll crash into a tree if you do so." Sugawara said as Oikawa was fumbling his pockets for the keys.

"Thanks." Oikawa opened the door for him and proceeded to the passenger seat.

"Want to join us for dinner?" Sugawara started the car engine. "It's our movie night tonight. Ushijima will make clubhouse sandwiches and Shirabu will buy the popcorn. We'll also order food. Want to come over?"

"Can I?" Oikawa asked cautiously and Sugawara laughed.

"Shirabu won't butcher you for dinner, don't worry… maybe for breakfast."

"Suga-chan!"

They were there after an hour ride. They ordered on the way, a treat by Oikawa who have eaten free meals at his manager's apartment for the last few weeks.

"Finally, you treated us a nice dinner," a fresh out of duty Shirabu mused as he shoved a mouthful of rice and a whole dumpling in his mouth. "Our supplies would run out if you always have free dinner especially with your appetite, Oinkawa."

"Shirabu." Sugawara and Ushijima said in unison, the former with a whine and the latter with a reprimanding monotone.

"What? He has money." Shirabu shot them a stink eye and turned to the actor. "You always bought Suga stuff the past weeks but you did not treat us until now."

"He did treat us burgers thrice and gyoza twice." Ushijima replied.

"That's snack. Not dinner."

Sugawara facepalmed. "Apologies for my stingy flatmate, Oikawa-san."

"Don't mind. Sorry." Oikawa sheepishly smiled. "I'll make sure to bring something every time I come over."

"'Every time' is an exaggeration but sure, Mr. Actor." The med student drank a whole glass of water that had anyone wondering how tired he was for him to eat beyond his usual capacity. "Suga can't be the one who always spoils you."

Sugawara's eyes protruded, knowing what direction the conversation was heading. "Shira—"

"Suga told us about this one time in high school…"

_ "Shirabu Kenjirou—" _

"He bought a camera just to take your pictures for their sports—"

Ushijima nodded his head. "Ah, yes, Sugawara was a photojournalist before he became a sports writer. He was the one who took your best pictures."

Sugawara wanted nothing but for the ground to swallow him. "Oh my God, Ushijima-san."

"He skipped classes for your games several times when he was in middle school and you're in high school."

"And that one time in middle school during your school festival and you had no fliers for your club booth, Suga was the one who snuck in the audio room and announced that your club needs funds for your trip expenses."

"Didn't your stomach hurt from all the sweets you bought from their cafe, Sugawara?"

"Ohhhhh! On the Valentines' Day of your final year. He slipped in a longass love letter and left a box of chocolate he made in your locker."

"Get lost!" Sugawara covered his red face, Shirabu laughed his ass out, Ushijima smiled and Oikawa's eyes were round, dumbfounded.

_ Suga-chan did all of those things for me? _

Seems like Oikawa needs to talk more with this odd pair to know more about Sugawara.

  
  
  
  


It was time for their movie night.

Several minutes since the sci-fi movie started, Shirabu was snoring, leaning on Ushijima's shoulder. The doctor, whose eyes were closing every now and then, had to drag third of the sandwich hanging in his boyfriend's mouth in case the latter choked.

Oikawa, who changed in Ushijima's clothes that the doctor left in the flat for sleepovers, draped his body on the two seater while Sugawara sat on his favorite spot: the carpet. Both of them munched on a bowl of popcorn while intently watching the scenes on the movie.

From time to time, Oikawa could not help but steal glances from the silver-haired manager. Sugawara was really expressive, his reactions cute borderline comical. His features shone despite the television being the only light source, and Oikawa racked his brain on why he did not pay much attention to Sugawara before.

The credits rolled and Sugawara switched on the light. The clatter of plates, bowls and wrappers they were gathering woke Ushijima up who bid them good night and carried the med student to the room.

After they disposed of the wrappers and washed the used dishes, Oikawa's mind drifted to the world beyond. Sugawara, showbiz, Iwaizumi; all bothered him to no end.

Sugawara's voice snapped him out of reverie. "Oikawa-san, your shoelaces are untied."

"Oh thanks—" Oikawa glanced on his feet, only to find himself wearing slippers. Sugawara caught him again. "Suga-chan…"

"Is anything the matter? You have been spacing out the entire day." Sugawara sat on the dining table and Oikawa followed suit.

"No," he denied.

Sugawara was not having it. "You're lying."

Oikawa did not deny nor concede. "Mind if I smoke?"

Sugawara shook his head. "Want me to lend you some?"

Oikawa was bewildered. "What… you too?"

"Helps me get by on demanding days. I rarely do smoke though. When did you start?"

"Since the underwear shoot, the smoking scene one. I only do it when I am stressed and exhausted."

"How did I never see you smoke?"

"Because I did it secretly and rarely. You too. Never saw nor smelled you."

"Just started two months ago."

"Ahh."  _ That was when we drifted apart. _

"Don't do it much. It will show on your gums and lips."

"Of course."

"And your health, geez."

"Look who's talking."

Sugawara stood, fishing a box of cigarettes and a lighter from the fridge cloth cover's pocket, and returned to the table.

A chuckle. "Who the hell keeps those in such a place?"

"Ushijima," Sugawara snickered. "When he stays the night and has breakfast the next day, he often takes a drag while reading a newspaper. The fridge cover is a convenient place for the cigarettes and the habit stuck on me too."

"I see." He was handed a lit stick and he took a drag.

"Now, now, care to talk about what's eating you?"

Oikawa sighed in resignation. "We broke up."

Sugawara's eyes bulged from their sockets, genuinely worried. "Huh? Why?"

"We fought about… stuff."

"Isn't it normal for couples to fight? Didn't you try talking about it with him?"

"We did talk, thus we realized that this is not something that can be resolved." Oikawa leaned by the chair and stared at the ceiling. "I may love him but not as much as I did. He may love me, but he loved the high school Oikawa more. We just do not belong with each other."

"I am so sorry." Sugawara gave him a look of empathy. "You love him that much. It surely hurts right now."

"I don't know, to be honest. I am not even sure if I really loved him all these years he was away. I don't even know why I accepted him again." Oikawa answered honestly. "I admit, I am sad but somehow, I feel… free."

"Free?"

Oikawa laid his chin on his hand propped on the table and puffed on his smoke. "Free from the shackles that pulled me down for years. Iwa-chan coming back to my life made me realize how much I let the memory of him hold me down. I couldn't commit myself to relationships, couldn't date, couldn't love like any individual did. I couldn't even be happy. But when things ended between us, it seems as if there was…"

"Closure," Sugawara filled in the sentence.

"Yes, closure." Oikawa nodded. "It seems he came back so I could finally draw an end to the Iwaizumi chapter of my life."

"I see." Sugawara clapped his hands. "Congratulations for finally letting go."

Oikawa laughed heartily. "Thank you. Letting him go made me think that I do not need to feel guilty anymore."

"Guilty?"

Oikawa's gaze diverted to the table. "I can now pursue my growing feelings for someone."

"Someone?"

"Yup. Someone who I think I may have always liked but wouldn't admit it to myself. Someone who was with me throughout the entire healing process. Someone who Iwa-chan could not even compete with."

Oikawa lifted his gaze and saw an astonished Sugawara, mouth half open and eyes blown wide. The flustered manager blinked several times and cleared his throat to compose himself.

"Um, Oikawa-san…" The younger's cheeks glowed in a pink shade.

"Please let me finish." Oikawa took a deep breath and leaned towards his manager. "Suga-chan, I know I have always been a pain for you."

The other shook his head. "No, that's not true."

"Please." Oikawa's eyes begged him to listen, and he did. "You... you had dedicated so much for me, and I am thankful for that. For years, I took you for granted and dismissed all your good deeds as actions of a manager and a friend. You always minded me while I did nothing to consider you. It is shameful to admit it but I only realized your real worth when I nearly lost you. Nothing scared me in my entire life than when I saw you lying down in the hospital, pale, frail and struggling between life and death. I was reminded of the memorable times of my life now, and I realized that you were there in almost every moment."

Sugawara's voice was soft. "I… Oikawa-san… what are you trying to get at?"

Oikawa silently reached for Sugawara's hand and held it on the table. He was trembling, he could tell, and he was sure Sugawara felt it too. "I don't want to rush and say that I like you because I myself am not sure of it, but I am willing to try letting these fond feelings in me grow if you will allow me."

"I see." Sugawara squeezed the hand as if telling Oikawa that he was there. "Call me out if this question is too much, but am I the reason you two broke up?"

"Kinda." A sad smile. "Iwa-chan cannot accept that you had me at my worst, behind all the glamor of showbiz. He couldn't digest the knowledge that you are a huge part of my life."

"This is a big step for you, isn't it?" The manager knew exactly the answer to his question. He alone knew how much hung up Oikawa was to his ex, and to accept that another person surpassed Iwaizumi was a pill difficult to swallow.

"It definitely is."

Sugawara could not grasp the right words to say. "Oikawa-san, I don't even know where to start."

"Just say what you want to say. No sugarcoating."

"Um… first of all, thank you for your feelings." The manager mumbled and clasped Oikawa's hand with his own. "In all honesty, my feelings for you are still as strong as ever, but so is the fear to try again."

Oikawa's smile did not reach his eyes. "I understand that."  _ It was all my fault. _

Sugawara nibbled his lip, thinking of how to convey his feelings. "I… I don't think I am ready for now. I am broken, and I don't have a clue how to fix myself. I mean, I want to try too. I want to give you another chance, but not now. If you cannot wait, then it is oka—"

"One year, five years, a decade, century, eternity. I am willing to wait." The actor sputtered in one go, determination and dedication prominent in his words.

Sugawara's surprised expression morphed into a bashful chuckle. "Sure."

"Can I court you?" Oikawa inquired. "I don't want to treat you like before… as if you aren't special. As if you are a mere fuck buddy and manager to me. I want to let you know of my real intentions. I want to prove myself worthy of your love."

Sugawara beamed at him. "Suit yourself."

  
  
  
  


As months flew by, Sugawara could conclude one thing:

Oikawa was serious.

He was not bluffing when he said he would pursue Sugawara.

He picked Sugawara up every single morning and dropped him home by night. He showered Sugawara food and gifts and Sugawara wondered if Oikawa was applying as a sugar daddy or a boyfriend. More often than not did Sugawara protest over such lavish spending, but Oikawa would not take 'no' as an answer.

Texts were also frequently exchanged between them, with Oikawa sharing nearly everything to Sugawara. It may be as trivial as what he would be wearing for the day or as personal as what his homophobic aunt said about his alleged sexuality during a family reunion.

When Sugawara slept over because they needed to rise early for some schedules, he was pampered lots to the point of babying. He felt like Oikawa was fattening him up for breakfast by feeding him too much. Once, Oikawa ordered for five people.

"Oikawa-san."

Said actor turned to the displeased manager who stared at the boxes of take outs before them.

"Heh. Hehehe."

"Don't 'hehe" me. What went in that head of yours—"

"Suga-chaaaan." Oikawa wrapped his arms around his manager, rubbing their faces together. "I am sorry. Mattsun told me that that restaurant's menu is so delish so I ordered a lot."

The leftovers could not fit in Oikawa's loaded fridge.   


Stomachaches ensued with them trying to finish at least half of the leftovers. Since then, Sugawara always made the call on how much to order and cook.

Oikawa may or may have not wasted water by the number of times he filled Sugawara an aromatic tub bath when all the latter needed was a shower.

A stack of sleepwear and a pair of slippers just for Sugawara lied in Oikawa's closet, the actor not wanting his manager to carry the extra weight of sleepwear in his bag the whole day.

He was also forced to sleep in the master's bedroom and Oikawa in the guest bedroom, with Oikawa reasoning that the aircon in the master's bedroom worked better and that his industrious manager should indulge especially with the summer heat.

One more thing about Oikawa was his jealousy.

Sugawara felt the urge to squeeze his cheeks between his palms when those jealous streaks struck.

Oikawa glared daggers to those who he thought were eyeing his manager, especially upon the memory of their stalker almost a year ago. Cracking of knuckles could be heard when Sugawara praised other actors and raved over them with his co-workers.

There was this guy that annoyed Oikawa to the end of his wits.

Terushima Yuuji.

The actor was certain Sugawara rejected the other, so what was with the lengthy phone call?

It sounded work-related, but by the laughs and titters Sugawara let out, it seemed like the newly-hired PR personnel was, once again, flirting with the manager.

"'Yuuji-kun?'" Oikawa gasped once the phone call ended, terribly scandalized. "You are calling me 'Oikawa-san' but you are calling him by his first name?"

"That's what he preferred being called. He is also my junior by age and rank." Sugawara reasoned and tapped Oikawa's cheek. "Can you stop puffing your cheeks? You look like a child whose candy was taken."

"Call me 'Tooru' first."

Sugawara snickered. "Geez, what are you, a child? Are you competing with him?"

"I don't like the way he looks at you," Oikawa recalled the day's events when Terushima and Sugawara came from the cafeteria together. "He obviously still likes you."

"What's wrong with that?" Sugawara's lips curved into a teasing smile. "Is it wrong to be admired?"

Oikawa grinded his teeth. "N-N-No… argh! How did you even get close with him?"

"Ohhh, who is that guy who introduced him to me, Oikawa-san?" The manager faked gasped and had difficulty stopping his giggles.

Oikawa threw his hands in the air. "How can I be so stupid!"

"Oikawa-saaaan," Sugawara inched closer to the whining male's back and threw his arms around his neck, "don't worry about it. He is just a co-worker. Besides, he is not my type."

"Hehe, yes, I know. I mean, how dare I compare myself to such punk?" Oikawa laughed to himself, a sudden boost of confidence surging inside him. "There is no one more likeable in the entire country than the handsome, gorgeous, charming Oikawa Tooru anyway."

"You will be more likeable if you will stop all these bullshit and concentrate on your lines." Sugawara's arms tightened around Oikawa's neck, almost choking his artist.

"O-Ouch, Suga-chan! Rude!"

"Stop wasting time on useless stuff and just memorize you dumbass. This is your debut stage play and if you screw up, this will be your last."

"Fine, fine, Manager-kun."

Before Sugawara knew it, he forgot about resigning.

Before he even realized it, Oikawa gave him the unit key again and he accepted it.

It was hard not to be involved in gossip among co-workers despite their careful behavior in public. Sugawara has a clean and efficient record, a reputable name in the company, thus no one could say it to his face, but he knew some were talking about him.

All that their president told them when they were called over and they kept denying was "I don't care what you do. I don't care about your life choices. I just don't want a scandal to break so be sure about the path you two will take."

With the type of life they were living, it was as if they were on the baby steps of their budding relationship, just like how they were before, sans all the bedroom activities.

Sugawara sometimes found his face buried on Oikawa's pillow, inhaling the scent he missed. His hands would slip in his clothes and alone, he relived the memories of their steamy nights together. With his fingers toying his sensitive nipples and entering his hole, he felt guilty afterward, but he needed more.

But he was scared.

Scared to let his feelings get the best of him.

Scared to trust and for it to be shattered.

Scared to give his whole self to Oikawa again and be disposed of.

"Last time I checked, I am a med intern, not a psychologist."

Sugawara slapped his friend's shoulder who shot him a glare. "Stop being a bitch."

Shirabu rolled his eyes and leaned by the couch. He took a sip of his cup of sake. "Okay so Mr. Sugawara, what's your plan? You gonna give Oikawa…"

An over dramatic gasp. "What did you just call him?"

"Oikawa."

The silver-haired manager applauded mockingly. "This is the first time I heard you call my artist by name instead of insults."

Shirabu raised his middle finger that had Sugawara cackling.

"As I was saying, do you plan to give him a second chance and risk the chance to get hurt again, settle on the obnoxiously cheesy flirting you have been having since months ago, or downright reject him and miss his dick forever?"

"Geez, what's wrong with your mouth?"

"I had been your university senior and flatmate for years and you still wasted your saliva asking that?"

"Righttt. Regarding my plan, that's exactly my problem. I don't know what to do."

The elder raised his brow. "Why are you asking me? I am not you and I refuse to be accountable if ever you screw up with your choice. It is your future at risk here. This is something only you can answer."

Sugawara scratched his head. He poured himself another cup of alcohol and drank. "I love him."

"We all know that."

"I love Oikawa Tooru to death."

"Should I go get a basin to puke on?"

"...but I am scared. What if he loves me now but hates me tomorrow? What if he wants me now but throws me away the next moment? What if he was just playing around?"

"Was what he was doing the past few months screams 'I don't love you' to you?"

"No."

"Is Oikawa the type of person to throw people away like that?"

"Hell no."

"You think a healthy male like him, an attractive, high-earning, recognized celebrity on top of that, would restrain months not shoving his dick in his very eager manager if his intention was to play with you?"

"Okay, I get it, I get it," Sugawara's face glowed in a beet red color. His friend's mouth was really hopeless.

"Then what are you yapping about?" A buzzed Shirabu slammed his cup on the center table and wagged his forefinger. "Grab the opportunity! You are the one who knows him more than anyone else and for you give certain answers to my queries is proof of that."

"This is so hard." The younger buried his face on his palms.

The med intern scoffed after he downed the remnants of sake straight from the bottle. "So is his dick. Too much sexual tension and you two are too painful to watch. Just suck him off already."

Sugawara raised his legs from the floor and laid them on top of Shirabu. "Geez, Kenjirou. You think this is easy because your boyfriend Mr. Perfect is dancing on your palms."

Shirabu was too inebriated to protest. "Perfect my ass. That old bastard cannot even distinguish what should be taken literally and what should be not."

"It isn't like you don't do that at times." Sugawara laughed and the elder huffed.

"Don't go crying on me again if that fucker Oikawa hurts you again."

Sugawara threw his arms around his flatmate. "Love you."

A blushing Shirabu was struggling to push the younger's face away. "Pfft. Eww. You're dirty."

  
  
  
  


"I'm home." Oikawa called from the door. Sugawara promised to stay over that night despite the lack of schedule the next few days. According to his text, he was already inside since a few hours ago.

Oikawa stooped down to take off his rubber shoes. He had a mini reunion with his high school friends, sans Iwaizumi who he heard went home to Sendai for vacation. It was fun, but nothing would ever beat the feeling of going home and smelling new cooked food made by his manager, his friend, his…

  
  


Beloved? Yes, his beloved Suga-chan.

  
  


It sucked how it took him years to fall in love with Sugawara. With the younger male's qualities and traits, Sugawara would have snagged any guy he liked, but then, he chose to fall in love with Oikawa…

Oikawa who didn't see his real worth until months ago.

Oikawa was definitely lucky to be forgiven; blessed to be loved wholeheartedly by the man he unknowingly hurt and ignored for so long. Now that he was given a second chance, he would not waste it.

For months, he had been pining Sugawara. Part of his courtship was his restraint not to bend Sugawara over and fuck the daylights out of him unlike their sexual relation before. He would not want Sugawara to think that he wanted him just because of sex, because that was definitely not the case.

The number of times he masturbated while thinking of a pretty face, lithe body and desperate mewls was definitely unhealthy. He knew he was at the edge of his sanity when he touched himself whilst staring at the pictures of their magazine photoshoot.

Fuck, they really should have filmed a sex tape before.

He really should have savored the times he smoothly settled between his manager's legs and fucked the brains out of him.

It was hard to look at Sugawara straight in the eye right after his solo sessions but he could not help but indulge in the guilty pleasure.

Oikawa had been enduring for so long, so to hear small pitter patters of feet and seeing their owner clad in the elder's clothes had him effortlessly throbbing in his pants.

"Welcome home," Sugawara greeted with his sweet, toothy smile. Normally, Oikawa would focus on that blinding smile, but his eyes couldn't stop traveling to the ravishing beauty before him.

Sugawara was fresh out of bath judging from the slightly damp hair and the scent of shower gel. Oikawa's old white shirt hung loosely on Sugawara's narrow shoulders. His collarbones were exposed and the thin fabric stuck to his chest when he was at rest, showing the perky buds underneath. The shirt seemed like a dress to his little frame, reaching down to his plush thighs and hiding whatever underwear was underneath. His pale legs shone under the lights and Oikawa felt like going down his knees and kissing them.

"Hey, Suga-chan." Oikawa cleared his throat and tried his best to nonchalantly smile.

"Dinner's ready."

"Surely, it's gonna be a good meal."

"Don't pressure me." Sugawara turned and walked towards the kitchen with Oikawa trailing behind. His eyes glued on the slight bump of Sugawara's ass, the subtle curves and the smooth legs before him. He wondered if Sugawara wore something underneath the shirt and what the hell went in the other's skull for him to dress in such a get up.

They ate, exchanging stories about their day, mostly about Oikawa's trip. Oikawa offered to do the dishes but Sugawara insisted that the actor should rest instead.

"I'll go ahead to the bath."

"Sure." Sugawara carried the plates to the sink and a spoon fell from the stack. Oikawa watched intently as his manager laid the plates on the sink and bent to get the spoon.

Oikawa ran to the bathroom, the image of Sugawara's ass clad in black, tight briefs embedded in his mind. His mind wandered to dangerous territory as he moved a tight fist around his cock and thought of Sugawara.

They ended up huddled on the couch, watching a random horror movie. The plot so-so, the acting sucked, the CG effects were horrible, but there was nothing to watch anymore.

The couch was spacious, so for Sugawara to settle on Oikawa's lap was totally uncalled for. Oikawa just released on his bathroom wall less than an hour ago but he felt his member hardening again. He found it difficult to tell Sugawara off, seeing how the manager clung to him during the gory scenes. Instead, his arm encircled around the other to secure him.

He mentally panicked when Sugawara's ass shifted closer and closer to his hardness. It was only a matter of moments that Sugawara sat on him and his mind short circuited.

"You're hard." The younger sensually muttered to his ear. A yelp left Oikawa's lips when said male pressed down his erection.

"Shit, sorry, Suga-chan." Oikawa apologized profusely. His face burned in shame thinking of what Sugawara thought of him.

"Do you want me to help with that?" Sugawara sounded as if he was purposely seducing Oikawa.

"N-No need, thank you."

The weight on his lap shifted and soon, Sugawara was straddling him. Arms around his neck, their thighs flushed together, a half-hard erection pressed against his boner and eyes boring intensely through his; Oikawa was a goner.

"Oikawa-san."

"Yes?"

Sugawara's eyes were hooded as he asked. "Do you still want me?"

"Yes." Oikawa answered. His hands were nearing his manager's waist but still not holding him. "I… I like... I love you, Suga-chan. I really do."

"I love you." Sugawara gave him a chaste kiss, leaving a wide-eyed Oikawa dumbfounded. The manager's forefinger traced his talent's jaw and muttered with the sweet voice of his. "I had been waiting for months. I know you have been patiently waiting too."

"I am but…" Oikawa had to restrain himself from bucking against a grinding Sugawara. "I can wait longer if you need some more time."

"Does it look like I can wait any longer?"

"I… Are you sure that you're ready?" Oikawa wanted nothing but to spread Sugawara's legs and fuck him tenderly but this was a crucial step for the younger. "I understand that you love me, but you don't have to do this just for me."

"I want this. I… this is how I love."

Shirabu's words rang in Oikawa's head.

_ "That's just how he is. He does everything hard. He loves hard." _

Sugawara loves hard and offering himself was his way to show his love.

It just so happened that Oikawa's love language was the same as Sugawara's.

The actor's hands planted on Sugawara's hips. His orbs locked with the younger and he leaned close, close, close until their lips were sealed.

They were desperate. The months-long sexual tension brewed into a heated make out session. Their tongues danced in each other's mouths, savoring the taste of their passions.

Hands gripped on hair, clenched on clothes and slid on skin. Teeth clacked, saliva mixed and lips sucked on each other.

Oikawa grinded the man on top of him, eliciting muffled moans between their lips. Sugawara pulled apart for air but the other chased his lip and mouthed it.

Hands cupped the manager's ass, groping the plump, firm flesh. The actor's cold fingers slipped in the tight briefs, warmed by the heat emanating from Sugawara's body.

Oikawa laid Sugawara down the coffee table. He raised the silver-haired beauty's shirt up to his armpits and kissed down the pliant body. Seductive moans rang in the whole condo as Oikawa fervently sucked on Sugawara's nipples. His tongue swirled around the areola, teasing the bud with his teeth. He flicked it with the tip of his wet muscle and sucked around it hard, the body below him sweetly jerking to the touch.

He tweaked one with his deft fingers, rolling and toying the swollen bud. He transferred to the other and gave the same fervor attention that had Sugawara's toes curling.

He descended, making sure to nip and suck on the pristine skin. He dipped his tongue in his manager's navel, earning him a mewl.

The scar on Sugawara's waist caught his attention. Sugawara had always been insecure about it back when it was still a stab wound. He always curled in embarrassment when Oikawa dressed the wound, but for Oikawa, it was proof enough that Sugawara was strong, surviving through the unfortunate incident.

His lips grazed the scar, fingertips tracing the edges that had Sugawara squirming and moaning.

In all those years that they were involved in a purely sexual relationship, they rarely took it slow. They usually rushed into fucking, rarely bothered to savor each other. Now that he got the chance to worship Sugawara's body, a different kind of excitement bubbled inside him. Before that moment, he was not aware of how sensitive Sugawara was with mere touches.

Oikawa finally reached the spot between Sugawara's legs. He nosed the wet spot on the younger's underwear, inhaling the heady scent of arousal. His fingers slid in the hem of Sugawara's underwear, sliding it down the shapely legs.

"Oikawa-san," Sugawara blushed and covered his groin with a hand, clearly not used to the attention. He was usually the one to suck Oikawa off so to see the elder between his legs was embarrassing.

"Can I?" The actor's big hand laid on the manager's smaller ones. His smoldering gaze bored through Sugawara's, who, as if hypnotized, allowed the former to take his hand off.

A smile tugged on Oikawa's lips as he witnessed the hard organ standing erect before him. The white, hairless rod quivered under his gaze, its blush pink tip spewing pearls of precum. He trailed kisses towards the head and opened his mouth to engulf the whole organ.

"Fuck," Sugawara hissed, almost bucking in Oikawa's mouth if the elder's hands did not ground his hips down the table. Oikawa sucked him hard and bobbed his head up and down, generously granting Sugawara immense pleasure.

"O-Oikawa-san." He moaned, fingers tangling on the actor's locks. His pleasured music filled Oikawa's ears, the latter encouraged to continue with his actions.

Oikawa's mouth was scorching hot wrapped around Sugawara's cock. His tongue did wonders, swirling around the member and dipping in the slit. He barely needed to move to encompass the entire length of Sugawara.

A whine left Sugawara's lips when Oikawa let go of his member. The actor's lips latched on the smallest set of balls he ever saw, mouthing and sucking them.

Sugawara yelped when Oikawa suddenly pushed his legs up, folding to his thighs and exposing his most private part. His face burned as he saw Oikawa parting the ass cheeks and staring down at his fluttering hole as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.

It really was, for all Oikawa could think of was how he missed making a mess of the pretty hole.

"Oikawa-san," Sugawara called when he realized what Oikawa was about to do, "no, that's dirty."

"Nothing about you is dirty."

"But—" The protests died down when wet muscle met the puckered entrance. It was followed by a lick, and a lick, and another lick, and Sugawara was a frenzied mess.

"Ahhh, ahh, Oika...sa-a-ahh." Airy gasps and moans filled the air as Oikawa lapped on Sugawara's entrance. His manager had always been a sight to behold especially during sex, but at that moment, the image of Sugawara losing himself over a mere oral was something he wished he had seen earlier.

It got better when Oikawa intruded the tight walls, slipping in and spearing it open. The manager's entire body shook as Oikawa narrowed his tongue, darting in deep that had Sugawara nearly shooting up if not for Oikawa's tight hold around his hips.

The wet muscle he knew so well probed his walls, exploring the deepest parts it could reach. It fattened up inside with all the flattening actions, stretching him wide before sharpening and thrusting in again. Oikawa's nose brushed against his perineum and balls, heightening the toe-curling sensations.

Oikawa threw the pale legs on his shoulders, feasting on the taint presented before him. He ravaged Sugawara nonstop, the latter screaming and trembling from his touch. Sugawara being loud was no secret to him, but never did Sugawara sounded this shameless, defenseless, satisfied.

Oikawa would definitely do this again.

He grew heady with the choking grip of the thighs to his head and shoulders. Fingers clenched on his hair, the air, the edge of the table, the entire erotic display before him swelling a sense of pride in him. Too bad his condominium unit was soundproof, for it would be nice to let the neighbors hear how good Sugawara Koushi was pleasured.

"Oikawa-san!" With a strangled moan, Sugawara came, ribbons of cum shooting to his exposed abdomen, shirt and face. Oikawa only stopped when the last drop shot out of Sugawara's member.

Fuck, how Sugawara looked so beautiful being so dirty.

He crawled upwards, lips brushing on the skin as he licked every drop of cum except for the ones on the pretty face. He saved a dollop of the release on his tongue as he neared Sugawara who opened his mouth and accepted the blob of his own semen. Oikawa leaned for a kiss, the slightly bitter taste dancing in their mouths.

The actor groaned when his manager's hand cupped his clothed erection, squeezing it gently.

"I'll help while I recover."

"Please." Oikawa took his own shirt off.

Oikawa lifted Sugawara, placing them back on the couch. Sugawara straddled him, assisting Oikawa in pulling his dick out of his sweats. His warm fingers wrapped around the twitching organ, languidly moving his hand up and down. Oikawa's hips jerked at the sensual touches.

"Still so big, Oikawa-san."

Oikawa bit his lip and threw his head back when Sugawara thumbed the slit and dipped his nail in without warning. Sugawara's hand barely encircled his length, and what a sight it was seeing the younger's pupils dilating and tongue licking his lips whilst staring down the thick girth.

"I missed your dick, you know?"

"So did I. I missed your ass. I missed your body. I missed you."

Oikawa's fingertips brushed on Sugawara's thighs, the latter jolting at the sparks under his skin. The elder finally reached his destination which was the younger's ass. He cupped them, spreading the ass cheeks that had Sugawara moaning. His lone finger outlined the entrance which was already wet with saliva.

Oikawa groaned and then he shoved his finger in deep. Sugawara wriggled his ass on the finger, apparently as needy as Oikawa. One turned to two which turned into three, and soon, Sugawara was burying his face on Oikawa's chest, hand grasping Oikawa's cock as four fingers curled deep inside him. Oikawa purposely evaded Sugawara's prostate, riling the other up who desperately bucked his hips.

"Please, Oikawa-san," he begged, humping his erection against Oikawa like a slut, "I need you in me now."

"I'll just get the lube from the room."

"U-Under the c-couch," Sugawara shakily pointed at the spot and sure enough, a half empty tube of lube was there.

"Fuck, Suga-chan. You planned this, didn't you." Oikawa poured a generous amount on his palm and applied it on his cock.

Sugawara answered with lidded eyes and a raspy, lust-filled voice. "I already told you. I cannot wait anymore."

Oikawa pushed Sugawara to the couch. He raised his manager's shirt to the armpits and spread the shapely legs. Sugawara's position was exactly how it was when he was eaten out minutes before, only that Oikawa's dick was finally pressing against the entrance.

Both moaned at painful yet gratifying intrusion. It has been months since they were connected, months since Oikawa witnessed Sugawara desperately chasing his breath and opening his mouth to the sensation of dick penetrating him.

"So fucking tight, baby." Sugawara was ethereally alluring under him, willingly taking Oikawa's manhood like he was born for it. His salacious position of eagerly spreading his folded legs had Oikawa nearly losing it. It was all thanks to Oikawa masturbating in the bath that he could last longer.

"Oikawa-san," Sugawara moaned deliriously and encircled his arms around the other. Oikawa took this as a sign to move, dragging his hips back until only the tip was in and thrusting back deeply.

Lewd mewls spilled from Sugawara's lips, the languid yet hard, deep thrusts stretching his insides to their limit. Every vein and every ridge felt too familiar to him, sliding and mapping out Sugawara's velvety walls.

Oikawa braced himself on the surface, the tightness around him sucking the strength out of his body. It was ironic how the same hot, scorching tightness urged him to ram deep inside and siphon all the rationality out of Sugawara but the last bits of his self-control kept him from doing so.

He was torn between sucking possessive marks on the papery skin or admiring the moving artwork under him. Sugawara's body was like canvas, tempting to be marred, to be painted with shades of pink, red and purple. At the same time, his body was already a masterpiece, every dip, every curve, every scar and mark making up what Sugawara was.

The best thing about this was only he had seen Sugawara like this.

Only he had seen how desperate, how mad and how weak Sugawara was over him, over his touches, over his dick.

Only he had felt the way this gentle angel gripped and scratched his arms, shoulders and hair as Oikawa brought him closer to heaven.

For years, Sugawara had always been his.

Sugawara was all his, only for him to indulge.

Sugawara's keens increased in volumes when Oikawa noticeably picked his pace up. Oikawa's thrusts were more intense, sharper and deeper and he himself moaned louder due to the pleasure. He leaned for a kiss, sucking the younger's bottom lip and just mouthing each other.

"Whose dick is fucking you?" He rhetorically asked on Sugawara's neck, nibbling the tender flesh.

"Oikawa," Sugawara gasped, only to scream when Oikawa hit his prostate.

"Who is the only one allowed to touch you?"

"O-Oika-awa-ahh." Legs locked around Oikawa's frame, pulling him in deeper.

The erratic clenching around him had Oikawa growling. "Who is fucking you so well?"

"Tooru." The name rolled erotically on Sugawara's tongue. The cry sounded like a prayer, calling out to his God, his Oikawa Tooru.

"Say my name again," Oikawa demanded upon recovering from surprise.

"T-Tooru." Sugawara's voice rose higher when Oikawa pounded his sweet spot harder.

"Again."

"Tooru!" The younger's moan broke when Oikawa sucked on his nipple hard. 

"Kou-chan," Oikawa husked and he felt Sugawara clenching tighter. His thrusts turned sloppier but deeper, drawing closer to orgasm. He grasped Sugawara's neglected length, pumping it in his hand while grinding right on the manager's weak spot. Sugawara came undone, body limply laying on the couch as Oikawa chased his own release.

"Inside?"

"Inside."

"Kou—" Oikawa spilled his semen inside Sugawara, messily filling him up to the brim. His arms shook as he attempted to support himself for him not to crush his manager but the latter just pulled him down so that their bodies were flushed.

"Break or stop?" The actor panted harshly.

"Break. I need water."

"Me too."

  
  


After a 17-minute water break, they were on it again, kissing fervently on the couch. Oikawa shucked his own sweats off but left Sugawara's—Oikawa's—shirt on, the younger temptingly ravishing in his clothes. They ended up on the carpet, humping their hardening members together.

Soon, Sugawara was on his hands and knees, welcoming the thickness prodding his used hole.

"Damn. I just fucked you but you are still this tight." Oikawa rasped on Sugawara's neck as he slid in the wet heat. He had not even bottomed out when he started thrusting, setting a moderate pace that knocked the air out of a spent Sugawara's lungs.

"Tooru," Sugawara moaned and closed his eyes, focusing on the thick, hard meat pushing in and out of his hole. It was so thick, so big, so long, so hard; qualities he had not grown used to despite all the years Oikawa got between his legs. He felt full, way too full, yet he would never get enough of Oikawa's manliness.

"You feeling good, babe?"

"Yes, fuck yes." Sugawara keened, body arching when Oikawa started the relentless abuse on his prostate. Every thrust zeroed on his sweet spot and his cock leaked in endless streams on the carpet. His legs and thighs that spread wider shook in the weakening pleasure coursing through every nerve of his body. The whisper to his ear, the slight pain from the nips on his skin, the tight grip on his hair, the sting from their thighs colliding, the gratification given by Oikawa's cock; all made Sugawara lose his mind.

It felt so good to be pounded, to be used, to be turned into the mess that he was.

His arms gave out when Oikawa's hands slipped in the shirt to fondle with his nipples. He landed on the carpet, arms folded on the slightly dusty surface. His skin would itch and redden later, he knew, but there would be room for those worries after Oikawa was done with him.

At the moment, his fucked up brain was filled with  _ Oikawa, Oikawa, Oikawa. _

"Suga-chan, Koushi," Oikawa groaned, burying his face on the sweaty neck and sucking on it. His lover's walls squeezed around him to an almost unbearable extent. Sugawara was the only one who fit him so perfectly, even his hole that wrapped nicely around his throbbing dick.

Sugawara was losing touch of reality with every bite, every pinch and every pound in his pliant body. His mouth hung open, drool seeping out of his lips as he was fucked so well by the man he loved.

"Tooru, Tooru," he cried all over again. Oikawa continuously whispered assurances to his ear, reminding him that Oikawa was there, is there and would always be there.

"There, Tooru, again!"

"Here? Like this?" Oikawa increased his pace while pistoning on the same spot. Vigor was felt with every thrust, hitting Sugawara's prostate with monsterous accuracy and power. He laid his body on Sugawara's back, pinning him down the surface as his hips and hands worked nonstop.

"I'm a-almost…"

"Me too." It only took a few sensual hip rolls for them to burst into completion. Oikawa was a heartbeat ahead, with Sugawara following as the hot cum filled him to the brim.

They were a heap of spent bodies on the cold floor, Sugawara resting on top of Oikawa's chest. His arm draped around the other who held him close with his own arm. Their legs tangled with each other as they let themselves come down from their high.

"We never really finish a movie, do we?" Oikawa panted, chasing his breath.

Sugawara's voice was airy. "As usual. Not that I care."

"That was wild." Oikawa remarked that had Sugawara chuckling.

"It really was. I missed doing that."

"Me too." Oikawa moved the damp hair strands from Sugawara's sweaty forehead. "Has it been six, seven, eight months?"

"Feels like a year to me." Sugawara traced random patterns on Oikawa's chest. "Sorry it took me that long to be ready."

"The number of months I waited is nothing compared to the number of years you yearned for me." Oikawa planted a kiss on the younger's forehead. "Sorry that it took me that long to realize how much you mean to me."

"That is not important anymore." Sugawara shook his head and leaned to peck Oikawa's lips. "What matters the most is the present."

Oikawa chuckled merrily. "The 'now.' The 'us.' Wow, there is finally an 'us.'"

"And we have a 'now.'"

"'We,' 'us,' 'our,' 'ours.' Sounds good to me."

  
  
  


"Who the hell calls at such a late hour—"

"Hello, Bokuto-san?"

_ "Hey, hey, hey, Suga! I know it is late—" _

"Very, very late."

_ "Wait, is that Oikawa? Hoho, what a convenience for me! Let's cut the chase. Big Boss was pleased that our magazine sold out because of you two, so he would like to make an offer for you two to have another smexy photoshoot with us. Magazine cover, an exclusive interview and a photoshoot clip. The pay's enough to make you last half a year without working. How does that sound?" _

"Hoooooly shit. Wait, I can't. I have a scar on my waist."

_ "Is that a problem? The apparel and angles will do the work." _

"Won't be surprised if we would be asked to film a sexy commercial next time."

"Or an x-rated gay film."

"Or porn."

Sugawara went back to the phone. "We'll discuss it with the agency first but personally, I'm on it. How about you, Oikawa?"

Oikawa pecked his lover's forehead and nuzzled his neck. "As long as I would do it with you, I don't mind."  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's a wrap for my third OiSuga fic~
> 
> Thank you for reading this fic of mine. This is a fic special to my heart tbh, and it was indeed heartwarming to read all of your insights and feedback.
> 
> For the to be published OiSuga fic I was talking about, it will be posted somewhere in May. The theme would be modern day + Haikyuu!! Quest~
> 
> For my OiSuga and IwaOiSuga fic/s, check my profile. Have a great day.
> 
> P.S. Due to someone's encouragement, it was decides that I'll make a spinoff for poor Iwa-chan and someone new in his life


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